February 29, 2012
February 26, 2012
TWO YEARS AGO
I am feeling the same emotions that I felt two years ago today.
Anxious
Nervous
Sad
Happy
Excited
Scared
Stressed
You might ask yourself...why was I feeling that way two years ago...
Well, here is a sneak peak into my past....
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Anxious
Nervous
Sad
Happy
Excited
Scared
Stressed
You might ask yourself...why was I feeling that way two years ago...
Well, here is a sneak peak into my past....
Saying goodbye to Grandpa and Grandma Lorraine
Goofing around with mom.
And mom not wanting to cry.
Trying to squeeze in one last picture....
Saying goodbye to long time friends.
Adam and Robert have been friends since before kindergarten.
I'm feeling the same way today, because in 4 days our boy will be home. As I look back and think about Robert's farewell and all the wonderful family and friends that came to tell him goodbye and wish him well I am overwhelmed. It was such a special day. And we were able to spend it with special friends.
There were so many people who helped that day with preparing food, serving food, cleaning up afterwards, and just holding my hand and giving me hugs of love and encouragement.
But most of all there were so many dear friends of Robert's that were there to tell him goodbye. I remember how full our church was that day....I realized that Robert had touched so many people during his high school years. I knew then that he would do the same on his mission.
Now he is coming home...and I'm feeling the same way.
Today was his last Sunday in Italy as a missionary. I'm sure that he spoke and bore his testimony. He will spend then next few days bearing testimony and saying goodbye.
I know that his heart is as full as mine is. We are both thankful for so many things. And sad for so many things too. I know that he is already missing Italy and will miss it every day for the rest of his life...just like I do. He will have these experiences and memories tucked away in a corner of his heart and he will treasure them always. Just like I do.
February 25, 2012
REMEMBERING SAN ANTONIO
Several years back...I think Robert was in 10th grade....we took a drive and ended up in San Antonio Texas. It was an amazing road trip. We saw some beautiful country a long the way. We had a lot of bonding time in the van. Boy was I glad for game systems and videos. We read some books a long the way and sang some songs too. And we ate a lot of munchies!
Giovanni had a cousin who was coming to San Antonio from Italy to see one of her cousins...so we planned the trip to go and meet them. We have never met any of them before and thought it would be a great way to hook up with our long lost family members. Elisa is from Giovanni's father's side of the family and we really hadn't had a lot of contact with them and felt like this was a great opportunity. So we got the boys school work for the week or so that we would be gone, packed up the van, and off we drove.
We stopped in Albuquerque, drove by El Paso (where my parents are from), saw the Rio Grand and Juarez from the boarder....boys didn't want to go into Mexico, so we skipped that....then off to SA. Can I just say that they aren't kidding when they say everything is bigger in Texas. It was 700 miles just like it had been the day before...but Texas was never ending! Really.....
San Antonio was lovely. The Riverwalk, the Alamo....we went to Sea World, (and another park that I can't think of right now...Six Flags, I think) and to a cute cowboy town called Bandera. The boys watched a Spurs game on about the 20th row. I still can't believe I let them go alone....what was I thinking? Maybe I wasn't.
The best part of the trip was meeting the cousins....Frank and his wife Chris, who live and SA, and Eliza and Salvatore, who are from Licata Italy. It was such a great trip. We really do need to go back there again someday. There was so much more to see...we just didn't have the time.
Here is a small peak at our trip!
February 24, 2012
ONE WEEK....AND WE DID IT!
Giovanni, Brian, and I set a goal when Robert left on his mission. We were going to read the Book of Mormon once each year. (If you want to know more about the LDS faith, go here.) After a few months we realized that it wasn't going to happen the way we hoped, so we modified our goal. We wanted to finish before Robert came home from his mission.
We are not perfect scripture readers. In fact, it is one of our downfalls, one of many I should say. Anyway...there were nights that got skipped, or instead of reading a chapter or a page we only read a verse or two...but we kept going. Never giving up! We would take turns reading and sometimes those reading sessions would turn into laughing...when you have a 13 yr old son who loves to joke around and a husband who loves the Simpson's what do you expect? But that is what made it all the funner. (Is that even a word?)
Well....last night we did it! We finished reading the Book of Mormon! I am so proud of us. And it was a wonderful experience to do it together as a family. I am sure that Robert read it several more times than we did over the past two years, but we did it!!!
Last night as we read Chapter 10 and Moroni's promise to those who earnestly pray and seek for the truth I was overcome by the spirit. Once again it was confirmed to me that the gospel is true. Tears came streaming down my cheeks and Brian looked at me and shook his head as he continued to read (he thinks I cry way to much....and he is right).
I thought back to my days as a missionary in Italy and walking those cobblestone streets (yes, some are still there!) and bearing witness of a savior that loves us and of the Book of Mormon. My thoughts then turned to Robert and what he has been doing for the past 2 years and my heart swelled with pride for a son that was and willing to sacrifice two years of his life and dedicate it to the Lord.
I'm thankful that the boys and I finished the Book of Mormon last night. I am looking forward to beginning again next weekend with Robert here. I hope that he will stay home long enough for us to get through it one more time as a family.
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Now as a side note. It is all coming to an end. In one more week Robert will be coming home from his mission. I am so full of so many emotions. It has been an amazing two years. We have looked forward to his weekly emails (I may need to ask him to keep sending me an email once a week because I might go through withdraws) and to read of the people that the is serving and his experiences. It has also been wonderful to see how he has grown and changed.
He isn't perfect...we know that ...be he is different. I so look forward to sitting and talking with him, and laughing and listening to his stories.
In his letter that he wrote last week he mentioned that during these two years the one thing that he learned was that he needed to rely on the Lord. What greater blessing could he have received then to know that his Father in Heaven is there for him, and each one of us. All we need to do is go to Him.
Thank you son for 2 wonderful years. We are so proud of you. We love you!
We can't wait to see you.
Love, Mom
We are not perfect scripture readers. In fact, it is one of our downfalls, one of many I should say. Anyway...there were nights that got skipped, or instead of reading a chapter or a page we only read a verse or two...but we kept going. Never giving up! We would take turns reading and sometimes those reading sessions would turn into laughing...when you have a 13 yr old son who loves to joke around and a husband who loves the Simpson's what do you expect? But that is what made it all the funner. (Is that even a word?)
Well....last night we did it! We finished reading the Book of Mormon! I am so proud of us. And it was a wonderful experience to do it together as a family. I am sure that Robert read it several more times than we did over the past two years, but we did it!!!
Last night as we read Chapter 10 and Moroni's promise to those who earnestly pray and seek for the truth I was overcome by the spirit. Once again it was confirmed to me that the gospel is true. Tears came streaming down my cheeks and Brian looked at me and shook his head as he continued to read (he thinks I cry way to much....and he is right).
I thought back to my days as a missionary in Italy and walking those cobblestone streets (yes, some are still there!) and bearing witness of a savior that loves us and of the Book of Mormon. My thoughts then turned to Robert and what he has been doing for the past 2 years and my heart swelled with pride for a son that was and willing to sacrifice two years of his life and dedicate it to the Lord.
I'm thankful that the boys and I finished the Book of Mormon last night. I am looking forward to beginning again next weekend with Robert here. I hope that he will stay home long enough for us to get through it one more time as a family.
----------------------------------
Now as a side note. It is all coming to an end. In one more week Robert will be coming home from his mission. I am so full of so many emotions. It has been an amazing two years. We have looked forward to his weekly emails (I may need to ask him to keep sending me an email once a week because I might go through withdraws) and to read of the people that the is serving and his experiences. It has also been wonderful to see how he has grown and changed.
He isn't perfect...we know that ...be he is different. I so look forward to sitting and talking with him, and laughing and listening to his stories.
In his letter that he wrote last week he mentioned that during these two years the one thing that he learned was that he needed to rely on the Lord. What greater blessing could he have received then to know that his Father in Heaven is there for him, and each one of us. All we need to do is go to Him.
Thank you son for 2 wonderful years. We are so proud of you. We love you!
We can't wait to see you.
Love, Mom
February 21, 2012
A HEART ACHE
Tonight my heart aches. Not for myself. But for those who are suffering.
It seems meant to be that last night as we were doing our family scripture reading that we were reading from Moroni 7 in the Book of Mormon. In this chapter it talks of charity, and what charity is...
vs 45-48 read:
And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and erjoiceth no in iniquity but rejoiceth in the trught, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Wherefore, my beloved bretheren, if ye have not charity, yea re nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail~
But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever. and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ, that ye may become the sons of God, that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is, that we may have this hope, that we may be purified even as hi is pure. Amen
I feel like reading these verses last night prepared me for today. And the fact that I have an amazing husband who teaches by faith and example.
People make choices in their lives and there are consequences to those choices...however, I am not God, nor are any of us here on this earth. It is our responsibility to love.
That doesn't mean we have to like or accept certain things. Especially when it is something that goes against our core beliefs. Something that no one can understand or accept. However, I would hope that if I made an error in judgement or something serious that my true friends...those who profess to be "followers of Christ" would it least pray for me and help me to return again to the fold of Christ.
As it says in the scriptures in John 8:2-11
Judge not. I love how Jesus taught: "He that is without a sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Then He said to her: "Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."
A senior missionary from Robert's mission posted this to his facebook status the other day...Giovanni and I have talked about this a lot.
Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”
Our hearts are aching tonight because we know that a family is suffering. We can only hope that their hearts will be touched and they will know that we care for them. They will be in our thoughts and prayers. We hope they will have the desire to search out the Savior. And to know that He loves them.
It seems meant to be that last night as we were doing our family scripture reading that we were reading from Moroni 7 in the Book of Mormon. In this chapter it talks of charity, and what charity is...
vs 45-48 read:
And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and erjoiceth no in iniquity but rejoiceth in the trught, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Wherefore, my beloved bretheren, if ye have not charity, yea re nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail~
But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever. and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ, that ye may become the sons of God, that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is, that we may have this hope, that we may be purified even as hi is pure. Amen
I feel like reading these verses last night prepared me for today. And the fact that I have an amazing husband who teaches by faith and example.
People make choices in their lives and there are consequences to those choices...however, I am not God, nor are any of us here on this earth. It is our responsibility to love.
That doesn't mean we have to like or accept certain things. Especially when it is something that goes against our core beliefs. Something that no one can understand or accept. However, I would hope that if I made an error in judgement or something serious that my true friends...those who profess to be "followers of Christ" would it least pray for me and help me to return again to the fold of Christ.
As it says in the scriptures in John 8:2-11
Judge not. I love how Jesus taught: "He that is without a sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Then He said to her: "Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."
A senior missionary from Robert's mission posted this to his facebook status the other day...Giovanni and I have talked about this a lot.
Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”
Our hearts are aching tonight because we know that a family is suffering. We can only hope that their hearts will be touched and they will know that we care for them. They will be in our thoughts and prayers. We hope they will have the desire to search out the Savior. And to know that He loves them.
February 15, 2012
MEMORIES
I woke up this morning thinking of Italy. I had been dreaming/remembering our family trip to Italy several year ago. Oh the fun we had. It was so nice to visit with family and friends. But most of all the time we spent together as a family. The memories we made. We still think about that trip and smiles come to our faces. We are planning the next one, and hopefully it will be soon...but in the meantime, I have my memories...and a few pictures!
It was so wonderful to spend time with family. For cousins to meet for the first time. The boys still remember playing soccer with their "Italian cousins". It was a wonderful time for lasting friendships and family ties to be solidified.
It was so much fun to take this family picture! Everyone's personality came out in it. We had just spent a wonderful afternoon talking and eating good food!
The siblings...Nicola, Giovanni, Annamaria, and Pino...
The boys in Torino...
We also took the time to go to the cemetery to pay our respects to Nonna Rosaria (Giovanni's mother).
The boys were surprised at the difference between the cemeteries in Italy an the one's here. They didn't know that you could "bury" 3 people in the same grave.
Playing the park in Messina. We use to take Robert to this park when he was a young child. It was so neat to return back there with him and Brian together.
The view of our lovely Messina Harbor. We would call this the "Italian Statue of Liberty". In reality, it is the saint of Messina. It was like returning home when we saw her.
It was a hot afternoon in Sicilia (Messina)...but we still had to get a family picture with the harbor in the back ground, even if we were hot and sweaty.
Roma! And the Gladiators! Brian wanted to take their sword from them. They were so good to the boys and played around with them for a few minutes. I think Brian would have stayed there all day!
Near the Vatican. Looking back at this picture I can't believe how much Robert and Brian have grown. It really is time for another trip.
"La Bocca della Verita'" ~ The Mouth of Truth. If you have ever seen the movie Roman Holiday then you have seen this before. Basically, you put your hand in the mouth.....and if you have told lies in the past your hand gets bitten off....we played a few tricks on Brian....so by the time it was his turn to put his hand inside he was a bit nervous. Oh how we laughed!
With cousin Nino in the kitchen...hanging out. We loved spending time in Sicilia with our family!
Giovanni and I on the steps in Taormina. There were some Greek/Italian ruins, a theatre type, that we climbed to see. It was a lovely walk and we just had to take a picture together!
The boys....They had to get a picture overlooking the ocean at Taormina. And as you can see, it was basketball day! They were the "all American boys" in Italy!
It was so wonderful to spend time with family. For cousins to meet for the first time. The boys still remember playing soccer with their "Italian cousins". It was a wonderful time for lasting friendships and family ties to be solidified.
It was so much fun to take this family picture! Everyone's personality came out in it. We had just spent a wonderful afternoon talking and eating good food!
The siblings...Nicola, Giovanni, Annamaria, and Pino...
The boys in Torino...
We also took the time to go to the cemetery to pay our respects to Nonna Rosaria (Giovanni's mother).
The boys were surprised at the difference between the cemeteries in Italy an the one's here. They didn't know that you could "bury" 3 people in the same grave.
Playing the park in Messina. We use to take Robert to this park when he was a young child. It was so neat to return back there with him and Brian together.
The view of our lovely Messina Harbor. We would call this the "Italian Statue of Liberty". In reality, it is the saint of Messina. It was like returning home when we saw her.
It was a hot afternoon in Sicilia (Messina)...but we still had to get a family picture with the harbor in the back ground, even if we were hot and sweaty.
Roma! And the Gladiators! Brian wanted to take their sword from them. They were so good to the boys and played around with them for a few minutes. I think Brian would have stayed there all day!
Near the Vatican. Looking back at this picture I can't believe how much Robert and Brian have grown. It really is time for another trip.
"La Bocca della Verita'" ~ The Mouth of Truth. If you have ever seen the movie Roman Holiday then you have seen this before. Basically, you put your hand in the mouth.....and if you have told lies in the past your hand gets bitten off....we played a few tricks on Brian....so by the time it was his turn to put his hand inside he was a bit nervous. Oh how we laughed!
With cousin Nino in the kitchen...hanging out. We loved spending time in Sicilia with our family!
Giovanni and I on the steps in Taormina. There were some Greek/Italian ruins, a theatre type, that we climbed to see. It was a lovely walk and we just had to take a picture together!
The boys....They had to get a picture overlooking the ocean at Taormina. And as you can see, it was basketball day! They were the "all American boys" in Italy!
So long Italy!
We'll be back again someday! Soon!
February 14, 2012
SAN VALENTINO
Today is Valentine's Day. I have not pictures or hearts to post.
I just wanted to say I love you to my dear sweet husband. He is the joy of my life. My best friend, and my lover. My sweetheart.
I remember our first San Valentino in Italy, oh so many years ago. We were so very very poor when we first got married so we gave each other a limit of how much we would spend for one another. I still remember our gifts.
Giovanni got me this red agenda book. I loved it! I used it all the time! I got him a Depache Mode cassette tape. And he listened to it all the time. We no longer have those gifts, but when we talk about them we still get smiles on our faces.
I am so thankful for Giovanni. For the love and joy that he brings into my life. I am thankful for the patience that he has with me, and for loving me as much as he does and for putting up with all my faults.
We have two wonderful sons and I am so thankful for them. They are the sweetest boys a mother could ask for.
I am also blessed with wonderful extended family and friends. Each one holds a special place in my heart.
I just wanted to say I love you to my dear sweet husband. He is the joy of my life. My best friend, and my lover. My sweetheart.
I remember our first San Valentino in Italy, oh so many years ago. We were so very very poor when we first got married so we gave each other a limit of how much we would spend for one another. I still remember our gifts.
Giovanni got me this red agenda book. I loved it! I used it all the time! I got him a Depache Mode cassette tape. And he listened to it all the time. We no longer have those gifts, but when we talk about them we still get smiles on our faces.
I am so thankful for Giovanni. For the love and joy that he brings into my life. I am thankful for the patience that he has with me, and for loving me as much as he does and for putting up with all my faults.
We have two wonderful sons and I am so thankful for them. They are the sweetest boys a mother could ask for.
I am also blessed with wonderful extended family and friends. Each one holds a special place in my heart.
HAPPY SAN VALENTINO!
February 7, 2012
MERCY
I have been thinking the past few days about fogivness, love, pain, and mercy.
If any of you had paid any attention to the news then you might have heard the name Josh Powell, or his wife, Susan Cox Powell.
You can go here and read about what has happened over the past 24-48 hrs...and the past two years. It started out as a tragic story two years ago with a missing wife, and has gotten so much worse since then. And now it seems to come to an end, it least for the 3 people who know what really happened that day when Susan went missing.
Since Sunday night when all of this happened there have been a lot of facebook posts and news reports and comments made about how terrible and horrible a man Josh must be, and that now it is even more believable that he was the one to murder his wife, etc, because of his actions towards his sons. He has been called so many names...more than what I care to put here on my blog. People have written that there is a special corner in hell with his name on it. And there might be. Who knows. We are not his judge. We are not God.
I wrote a comment on someones facebook post today saying that is was unthinkable what he did to his children, then I wrote, "may God have mercy on his soul". And I really did mean that. In this situation no one has won. Susan is gone as are her sons, and I do hope that they are together right now. It least the boys will have their mother. And as for Josh...well, he wanted a way out, thinking that it would be better this way, and it's not. Not for him, for his family, for Susan's family, for the boys, their family friends, and for people who don't know them, but who have followed this story for two years.
I pulled up the topical guide for my scriptures and looked up the word mercy and this is what came up: Compassion, Forfiveness, Justice of God, Mercy of God, Grace, Kindness, and Love. In the February 2012 issue of the Ensign Magazine on pg 11 there is a quote from Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf and it says referring to the love our Heavely Father has for us:
"He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescibable love. We are importatn to God not because of our resume' but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God's love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked. What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us."
Now, let me be very clear here...in no way at all am I justifying what Josh Powell may or may not have done to his wife, and what he did do to his children. It is horrible and unthinkable. My heart aches for all those involved in this sad story. Last night when I read what their father did to those boys before they died I began to cry. My heart aches for the granparents, aunts, uncles, etc. And my heart aches for Josh's family too. They will all live their lives with the sorrow and loss that they have.
However, my heart is also saddened for Josh as well. The guilt that he might have been feeling is more than a person can bear. He obviously wasn't living a life that would leave his heart open to feel the spirit or the love of the savior. He was not at a place in his life where he could feel or understand the atonement. To me that is the sad part in all of this. He made choices in his life and he will now pay the consequences for those choices. That too is part of the love and mercy that the Lord has for each one of us. I have no doubt that our Father in Heaven loves Josh Powell, and his heart is aching because of the choices that he made while in this life. That is pain that only a Father can feel.
If any of you had paid any attention to the news then you might have heard the name Josh Powell, or his wife, Susan Cox Powell.
You can go here and read about what has happened over the past 24-48 hrs...and the past two years. It started out as a tragic story two years ago with a missing wife, and has gotten so much worse since then. And now it seems to come to an end, it least for the 3 people who know what really happened that day when Susan went missing.
Since Sunday night when all of this happened there have been a lot of facebook posts and news reports and comments made about how terrible and horrible a man Josh must be, and that now it is even more believable that he was the one to murder his wife, etc, because of his actions towards his sons. He has been called so many names...more than what I care to put here on my blog. People have written that there is a special corner in hell with his name on it. And there might be. Who knows. We are not his judge. We are not God.
I wrote a comment on someones facebook post today saying that is was unthinkable what he did to his children, then I wrote, "may God have mercy on his soul". And I really did mean that. In this situation no one has won. Susan is gone as are her sons, and I do hope that they are together right now. It least the boys will have their mother. And as for Josh...well, he wanted a way out, thinking that it would be better this way, and it's not. Not for him, for his family, for Susan's family, for the boys, their family friends, and for people who don't know them, but who have followed this story for two years.
I pulled up the topical guide for my scriptures and looked up the word mercy and this is what came up: Compassion, Forfiveness, Justice of God, Mercy of God, Grace, Kindness, and Love. In the February 2012 issue of the Ensign Magazine on pg 11 there is a quote from Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf and it says referring to the love our Heavely Father has for us:
"He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescibable love. We are importatn to God not because of our resume' but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God's love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked. What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us."
Now, let me be very clear here...in no way at all am I justifying what Josh Powell may or may not have done to his wife, and what he did do to his children. It is horrible and unthinkable. My heart aches for all those involved in this sad story. Last night when I read what their father did to those boys before they died I began to cry. My heart aches for the granparents, aunts, uncles, etc. And my heart aches for Josh's family too. They will all live their lives with the sorrow and loss that they have.
However, my heart is also saddened for Josh as well. The guilt that he might have been feeling is more than a person can bear. He obviously wasn't living a life that would leave his heart open to feel the spirit or the love of the savior. He was not at a place in his life where he could feel or understand the atonement. To me that is the sad part in all of this. He made choices in his life and he will now pay the consequences for those choices. That too is part of the love and mercy that the Lord has for each one of us. I have no doubt that our Father in Heaven loves Josh Powell, and his heart is aching because of the choices that he made while in this life. That is pain that only a Father can feel.
February 5, 2012
FAST SUNDAY
Today is Fast Sunday.
It is the last one before Robert will be home.
I have been reflecting back over the past two years or so and all the many blessings that we have received.
I have also been thinking a lot about the weeks leading up to Robert's departure. So bittersweet.
I remember vividly his last Fast Sunday here. It was February of 2010. We were sitting in one of the back rows in the chapel. Right by where you walk in.
I knew that day that Robert wanted to bear his testimony. I could feel it. And I wanted to bear mine too.
Announcements were given, hymns were sung, we took the sacrament, and testimonies were bore by several members.
I glanced over at Robert and saw a few tears in his eyes. Brian was rubbing his brother's back. I looked forward again, and listened.
Then I glanced again at Robert. This time he had tears streaming down his face that he could not control. His eyes were red and getting puffy. He was rubbing them, trying to make the tears stop flowing.
I glanced at Brian and the same thing was happening to him. Then to me. Within about 5 minutes the Bona's on the back row were all crying.
I think the realization that this was it for a while sunk in! And it was hard.
None of us were able to control our emotions enough to get up and walk to the pulpit.
However, I do know that the Lord knew what we felt in our hearts that day.
We knew what each other felt as well.
I don't remember what was said that day. But I remember still how I felt.
After the meeting Robert and Brian left.
They went to the Provo Temple and walked around and spent some time together.
Later Brian told me that Robert told him that now he would be the one to look after mom and dad and for him to be a good boy. Basically he gave him the big brother talk.
Brian did what his brother told him to do.
It is now February and it is the last fast Sunday before Robert comes home.
I wonder if today he cried in church. Did he bear his testimony? I'm sure he did.
I probably will.
It is the last one before Robert will be home.
I have been reflecting back over the past two years or so and all the many blessings that we have received.
I have also been thinking a lot about the weeks leading up to Robert's departure. So bittersweet.
I remember vividly his last Fast Sunday here. It was February of 2010. We were sitting in one of the back rows in the chapel. Right by where you walk in.
I knew that day that Robert wanted to bear his testimony. I could feel it. And I wanted to bear mine too.
Announcements were given, hymns were sung, we took the sacrament, and testimonies were bore by several members.
I glanced over at Robert and saw a few tears in his eyes. Brian was rubbing his brother's back. I looked forward again, and listened.
Then I glanced again at Robert. This time he had tears streaming down his face that he could not control. His eyes were red and getting puffy. He was rubbing them, trying to make the tears stop flowing.
I glanced at Brian and the same thing was happening to him. Then to me. Within about 5 minutes the Bona's on the back row were all crying.
I think the realization that this was it for a while sunk in! And it was hard.
None of us were able to control our emotions enough to get up and walk to the pulpit.
However, I do know that the Lord knew what we felt in our hearts that day.
We knew what each other felt as well.
I don't remember what was said that day. But I remember still how I felt.
After the meeting Robert and Brian left.
They went to the Provo Temple and walked around and spent some time together.
Later Brian told me that Robert told him that now he would be the one to look after mom and dad and for him to be a good boy. Basically he gave him the big brother talk.
Brian did what his brother told him to do.
It is now February and it is the last fast Sunday before Robert comes home.
I wonder if today he cried in church. Did he bear his testimony? I'm sure he did.
I probably will.
February 3, 2012
ABC's
Giovanni gave the message for Family Home Evening on Monday night. It was really good. He talked about how we all need a guide in our lives, something that can show us the direction that we need to go. He used a compass and gave the example of N,S,E, and W and how the compass will point us in the right direction. The same with the scriptures. They are our guide. They will point us in the direction that we should go.
Robert wrote home to us this last week and commented about some of their investigators and how they want the blessings that the gospel could bring to them but they aren't willing to follow the compass/guide. They have a hard time putting into practice what the missionaries are suggesting they do: pray, daily scripture reading (even a few versus), and church attendance. Then of course come the larger things such as no smoking, drinking, and etc. Robert made the comment that sometimes free agency isn't so good because it leads people to make the wrong choices. So...they just keep praying and doing their best.
The other thing that Giovanni shared with us was this thought. I have had it on my night stand all week and have read it several times. It makes sense to me.
Robert wrote home to us this last week and commented about some of their investigators and how they want the blessings that the gospel could bring to them but they aren't willing to follow the compass/guide. They have a hard time putting into practice what the missionaries are suggesting they do: pray, daily scripture reading (even a few versus), and church attendance. Then of course come the larger things such as no smoking, drinking, and etc. Robert made the comment that sometimes free agency isn't so good because it leads people to make the wrong choices. So...they just keep praying and doing their best.
The other thing that Giovanni shared with us was this thought. I have had it on my night stand all week and have read it several times. It makes sense to me.
THE ABC's of ABUNDANT LIFE
1. A is for Attitude.
We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For maximum happiness and peace, and contentment, may you CHOOSE a positive attitude.
2. B for Believe.
Believe in yourself, in those around you and in eternal principles. Don't limit yourself and don't let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do.
Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities.
3. C for Courage.
Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one's goal, but even greater courage is called for when on stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says,
"I'll try again tomorrow".
Sometimes it is hard to have the right attitude, or to believe in ourselves, and courage is something that has to be developed as well. I know that I make a lot of mistakes everyday, and I am always "trying again tomorrow". But one thing that I have noticed. Have daily scripture reading has really helped me. Now I need to implement more the "study" portion of it. I'm working on it, but always trying to do it better and get it right.
I feel so blessed to have my husband and children by my side. They are the 3 people that make me want to be a better person. I don't have my sons for long...especially Robert. Even though he is coming home soon I know that his life will now take him down his own path as he becomes a man and makes his way for himself. I am going to cherish every moment that I have with him, and hope to not be a hovering mother. Thank goodness that Brian will be around for a few more years! I'm not ready to let him go yet. We've just started with the fun years!
A friend of ours told us yesterday of their son, and how he has a medical condition and needs to have surgery sometime around the middle of March. He is a young boy around Brian's age. It is something serious and could become even worse. There is a possibility of cancer. My heart ached yesterday for this family and especially for their son. Either way, because of the situation his life will be changed forever. He will have some struggles and obstacles to overcome. It has already been very difficult for him. For all of them.
They are LDS, but not very active in church. Giovanni offered to go and give them all a priesthood blessing. The mother commented that maybe a few days before the surgery it would be a good idea. So, when they call Giovanni and Robert will go together to administer to this family. We will continue to pray for them every day that they can be strong during this time. I hope the Lord will comfort them and bless them with peace.
As I was hearing about this situation all that I could think in my mind was how thankful I was for all the times I had said no to going to a party with friends, or to this function or that. I thought how thankful I was for the time I had spent with my children doing things with them an creating those memories.
I was told that I might never have children. Robert came right away, but it took another 7 yrs for Brian, and a lot of heart ache and tears. They are what is most important to me. They will always come first. So yes, maybe I do hover, but because I thought I would never have them. I also realize that they are the Lords children and I have them on loan. I will have to answer one day to Him. I will have to explain why I did or didn't do certain things. What did I teach them? But most of all I will need to answer about how I loved them. In that area I won't be lacking. I only hope that my boys know how much I love them.
It is almost 5 AM and my work day is about to begin. Another thing I'm thankful for....a job that lets me be flexible enough to be around when my family needs me. I better get at it.
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