June 26, 2015


I had to log in just to see if I remebered the password or not.

We are still alive and doing well.

Now that I know I can still log in I will have to start blogging again.

I'll be back, soon, I promise.


November 16, 2014


As many of you know.
The last time I wrote I was looking for my
biological mother.
I had some non identifying information,
but that was all.
Well, about three weeks ago the most amazing thing happened.
I found her!
I can't tell you all the feelings that I felt.
And every other imaginable feeling.
I was to afraid to make first contact.
For many reasons, obviously.
I asked my father if he would call,
and he did.
(I love that man!)
He ended up talking to my brother.
And I have another brother, Ian and a sister, Michelle.
Michael called me later that evening an we spoke on the phone for about an hour.
The story that Kathy (my biological mother)
is telling is a bit different from what the adoption papers tell...
but I understand why.
After a few more days and some texting
I spoke with Kathy
(my biological mother)
on the phone.
It was the weirdest thing.
There is this whole other family.
Well, they are family, but to me they are strangers.
But a friendship is slowly developing
between Michael and I.
I have yet to speak with Ian and Michelle.
Not sure when that will happen.
This is something that needs to be taken slowly
and handled with care.
I am thankful.
I know where I come from now.
And that is a lot.
I also know that my
father and mother
were the ones
who were to be my parents
and raise me.
I have a good life.
I am blessed.


The last time I updated this blog was back in March of this year.
Well, it's now November.
There is no way that I could ever catch up on all that has happened
over the past eight months.
I can't even remember everything that has happened.
Life became so busy and hectic.
I lost my password to log in to blog.
Social media took over my life in the form of Instagram.
Pictures are so much nicer than a bunch of words.
And I keep forgetting to download the photos from my phone.
So, another post without pictures.
Lets see what I can remember.
Basketball season ended in a bust.
The boys were undefeated until the tournament.
Then they lost
and it was over.
But they had an amazing year.
Brian finished his freshman year of high school on a high note.
It had it's hard moments, really hard...
but he got through them and it made him a stronger
better person.
Robert started nursing school in July.
He is doing well.
Studying a lot and learning a lot.
He is a good boy.
Serina has two jobs now.
She works as an aide at an elementary school.
She just loves the little first grade kids.
She still does her receptionist job in the afternoon.
She is a good wife.
And loves Robert.
Brian had an amazing opportunity this summer.
He went to Italy for a month
and stayed with Giovanni's family.
The language was a bit
of a barrier, but also a learning experience.
He had a wonderful time.
He loved meeting his cousins and hanging out with them.
Thanks so free flights and lots of sky miles that we had been saving,
for years and years,
he was able to go.
We could have never afforded it if we had to really pay for it.
And it helps having a place to stay while you're there!
Before Brian went to Italy, we took a few days and went to
Rochester NY, and Palymra NY.
We went to the sacred grove.
What an amazing experience it was there.
Sacred ground for sure.
We also saw the Hill Cumorah pageant.
It was beautiful.
We had the opportunity to go to
Niagara Falls.
A true wonder of the world.
When Brian came home I went to NYC to pick him up.
We stayed with a friend (Michelle and family)
for a few days.
We went to the
Ground Zero Memorial, Impressive and sacred.
The Statue of Liberty
Time Square
Little Italy.
It was a fun few days.
Now we are back and into the school routine.
I can't believe Brian is a sophomore.
He turned 16 the end of September.
He drives now.
That freaks me out.
But he is a good driver.
And a good boy.
Basketball tryouts were last week.
He made the team.
He will probably sit JV as well.
Hopefully he will play some too.
But he is on the sophomore team
and I can't wait for games to start.
Financially speaking it has  been a rough
few months.
Giovanni finally bit the bullet and got a second job.
It is part time.
He will be working for jetBlue.
just like me.
The next month will be rough.
He has training every day
after his job...so
we won't see him much, and he will be very tired.
Exhausted actually.
But he can do it.
And we need it.
It least he will be working from home.
And the days that he is tired,
I can work for him.
It will be a team effort!
He is a good man.
I love him.
I'm blessed to have him in my life.
The End.

March 26, 2014

My Story

I've been contemplating this blog post for a few weeks now, not knowing what parts to share.
I'm not an eloquent writer, in fact, I'm not a writer at all. However, I feel like this story needs to be told, and there are many that have asked me to share it. As many of my friends know I am adopted, and this is my story.

As far back as I can remember I have know that I was adopted. I don't remember who told me or when I first found out. I do remember arguing with my brother, Dave, one time, and him telling me that my "real parents" didn't want me and put me in a garbage can and that is where my mom and dad "found me." I now know that it didn't really happen that way, but I was young and impressionable at the time. I remember running to my father and asking him what happened. He told me that the person who gave me life wasn't able to keep me because she was young, and wanted me to have a better home and life than she had. I now know that he was right. That  basically is what happened.

There were a few times during my life that I had conisdered looking for my biological mother. Those feelings usually came aroung my birthday or Christmas. Did she remember my birthday? Did she think about me at Chritmas? Do I have brothers or sisters? Why did she give me up? Did she want to see me, was she looking for me? Did she miss me? Did she ever see me when I was a baby...did she hold me? Did she love me? As I grew older I realized that those questions weren't really that important. I have a mother and father. They love me. The raised me. They are the ones that helped me learn to crawl and walk. They held me and loved me when I was sick or hurting. They supported me in my decisions. They were always there for me, even when I made the wrong choice...they loved me, and wanted the best for me.

When I was 21 yrs old I made the choice to serve a mission for my church. I'm LDS (Mormon), and I was called to serve in Italy. During the first 9 weeks of my mission I was in Provo, Utah, at the Missionary Training Center learning the Italian language and the basics of missionary life and teaching the gospel. During our stay there as missionaries we have the opportunity to go to the temple, where we learn more indepth teachings of the gospel. (You must be worthy to enter the temple by having a reccomend to enter). During my time at the MTC while learing and studying the scriptures I remember starting to have questions about my biological parents. One of the main principles we teach as missionaries is about eternal families. I started thinking again about this woman who gave me life. Where was she? Did she know about the gospel? How could I find her and tell her thank you?

Fast forward to about 11 years ago. I had finally made the decision that I was going to try and locate my biological mother. I even found a service that would help me do so. Giovanni and I talked about it and I was ready to do it. I figured that I should ask Robert and Brian about it too, since it would also affect them. Obviously Brian was to young to understand...but Robert. Well, he wasn't to keen on the idea. Infact. He got upset asking why we needed to find "that lady". I already had a mother and he a grandmother. There was no need. He was so upset about it (even though now he really doesn't even remember the conversations about it). I decided to wait. It wasn't the right time. Then about 9 months later my mother, Martha, passed away. She had been ill for a while and it was hard. She had become one of my best friends. Amazing how as you get older you love your parents more and more. It was hard when she died. That first year was awful. I put aside any thought of even looking for my biological parents. I had a mother and she was gone. I wasn't looking for another one.

As the years have passed I have thought more and more about how blessed I was to be adopted, but had decided that I wasn't going to pursue my search. It was time to lay it to rest. But....my father had other ideas.

Last September 2013 he hired a company to help to find my biological parents, and he told me nothing about it. One day while at his house he told me that I needed to sign some letters and send them off to the DFCS of California. I inquired as to why and he said that he was looking for my birth mother. He felt the need to tell her thank you and that I turned out OK! What?! I had no idea what he had done or what he was doing. I didn't want to find this lady. There was no need. But my father felt the need. He gave me the papers and asked me to send them off. I kept them for several weeks before sending them. I was afraid of what I might find out....or not find out. I sent them off in January and was told it could take 1-2 months to hear back from them and it  would be non identifying information. I would have to sign more paper work for that (something I'm still not sure about).

Fast forward to the first week in March 2014. A large white envelope arrived in the mail from DCFS of California. Giovanni handed it to me and let me open it. (Even as I sit here now typing this letter a lot of those same emotions come to the surface. My life was about to come full circle. I was going to find out where I came from).

She was 17 years old at the time of my birth. My birth father was 20. They had known each other since she was 12. Her mother died when she was 13 yrs old and her father the next year when she was 14. She had one brother who was 21 at the time and living in a state run institution for the severly retarded and handicapped. He had been diagnosed with Polio at 2 months old and had strokes and seizures and never learned to talk. My birth mother had been living with an uncle and his family, but during the pregnancy was living in a local maternity home. (My birth mother was born in Texas (like my parents) and the father from Costa Rica). While living with her Uncle who was in the armed forces they lived in the Orient for several years and went from there to Kansas and then on to California.

My birth father was for Costa Rica but now lived in the USA. He had on brother and two sisters. His father was a high ranking officer in the armed forces and a carpenter. (Just like my father).  My birth father in listed into the military when he was 18 years old.

My birth mother and father were talking of getting married and when they found out about the pregnancy they decided to move it up to January 1966 ( a few months after my birth). However, in June of 1965 my birth father was called to active duty and was being sent to Germany. Due to the uncertainty of their relationship and the future they decided that the best thing would be to put the baby up for adotion.  It was a joint decision.

My birth mother told the social worker that she wanted to name me (and I do have that name, it is on my adoption papers), but would give me her second favorite name, and that she would like to hold me and feed me, but not to often. When it was time to sign the papers my birth mother was emotional but tried to keep herself composed. She asked for a picture of me,  but quickly added that it wasn't for her, but that she wanted to send it to my birth father in Germany. She also stated that she was ready to go forward with her life and finish school and that she wanted to be a teacher or go into cosmotology. When asked what it meant to her by signing the release papers for the adoption she said that she knew she could never get me back.

I was born on Nov 19, 1965 and on Nov 26, 1965 I was placed in a local foster home. On Dec 7, 1965 my mother and father saw me for the first time. They came back on Dece 9, 1965 with my brother, Dave, (also adopted from different parents) and took me home. There were several vistis over the next year with DCFS to make sure that it was a good environment for me and that we were all bonding as a family. On July 11, 1967 the adoption was final.

(There are actually about 5-6 pages of information about the adoption. the families, the birth parents, and the visits, but they are things that I would rather not share here).

Going back now to when I was in the MTC for my mission. On one of my last visits to the temple before leaving for Italy I remember praying and thinking about my birth parents. It was something that I needed to put to rest in my heart and mind. I can't tell you if I fell asleep and had a dream or if I was awake and had some sort of vision, and I don't even know the duration. The only thing that I can tell you is that it was the most real experience that I have ever had in my life. It was as if I was actually present. Here is what happened:
It was in the pre-exixtance ( before coming to earth to be born). It was all clear and white and a blue sky...There were some boulders where there were two young girls talking. They were in their teen years. One had dark hair and the other was fair skinned with blonde colored hair. I was sitting off in the distance alone, but watching these two girls talk. After a short while the dark hair girl came up to me and asked me if I was happy and I said yes. She told me that she was too. She then continued to tell me that she would be my mother one day when we were on earth, and that she was so looking forward to it. I told her that would be nice and I hoped we would be friends. She then told me that the girl with blonde hair wanted to talk to me. I went over to see what she wanted. She too asked me if I was happy and I told her yes. We talked for a few more moments, but I don't remember what we talked about...it was a nice talk, that I remember, and we were both smiling a lot and we were happy. She then proceeded to tell me that the girl with the dark hair was her best friend in heaven. She had found out that on earth she wouldn't be able to have children...the blonde hair girl said that she told her friend that she would give her the first born child that she would have. I would be that first born child. The girl with the blonde hair asked me if it was okay with me for her to give me away for someone else to raise me. She told me she would love me forever, but that it was suppose to be that way. I told her yes, that it would be fine. We hugged and I left, with a smile on my face and I felt peace in my heart.

I have thought about this experience many times over the past 25 years, and I have felt peace every time. I know that it was and is suppose to be this way. When I read my adoption papers it all made sense. My birth mother had blonde hair...and I was her first born. My mother, Martha, was never able to have children of her own. We were all friends and we knew what would happen and we all agreed and we were happy and knew it would be okay.

There are no words to describe how I feel. Joy, Relief, Happiness, Peace, Curiosity, Love....and so many more emotions that I am not able to express them all. I am where I'm suppose to be, with the family that I'm suppose to be with. I will forever be thankful to my birth mother and father. They loved and cared for one another, but made the choice that they knew was right, and the did it together. I'm not sure what the future will hold. I am working with the company that my father hired to help locate my birth parents. When and if they do find them I will have to make a decision of what I want to do. I think I would like to say thank you, it is something that I have wanted to do for a very long time, but I am still not sure. For now I'm happy and thankful!

February 5, 2014


Trying to write it least once a month! I should add some pictures, but everything is on my phone. I'll have to make a point to download a few to post the next time I write.

Things have been so crazy the moth of January. At work we have had OT almost the whole month. This year winter has been brutal back east. The first week of January was terrible because it was also when everyone was traveling for the holidays. I've decided that working for the airlines is not for the weak at heart. Sometimes you need to stand your ground and customers don't always like that. Just a suggestion for anyone who ever has to call in to any company where you deal with a customer service rep on the phone. BE NICE....yes, I'm saying that with a loud stern voice. Yelling and demanding to have your way will not help your case...in fact, it could backfire on you! You are more likely to win with honey and kindness then being rude and demanding...and if you're calling in to an airline, be extra nice because you have no idea what the person on the other end has been dealing with. You have your flight problem...but we have dealt with 100's of flight problems before we get to yours...we are trying and doing our best. In fact, I should be working some OT right now, but wanted to do this first...some mental relaxation first, before I go deal with mean, crazy, yelling customers...There not all like that, in fact..most of them are OK...I'm just tired, and so over winter.

School is going great for Brian! Things seem to be working out and I'm glad. He seems happy again. I hope he really is. I've realized that the saying "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is so true...Karma people! It's true! And in high school even more so.

Basketball season is just about over. PHS freshmen finished there season 19-0! It was a great year. There is a tournament this weekend and next week..and by Wednesday night it will be all over. I think it might be hard for the boys..one of their players on the team didn't get his grades up, so he is ineligible to play, and the other one plays up to Varsity and won't be at two of the games. Of course, they are two of the starters and best players. I understand the kid that plays up...Varsity is more important than freshman, and they have games on two of the nights that we play.....but, the kid with the grades...Man, he is such a good kid. Nice, funny, pleasant to be around...but he chooses to not to school work. I get it. Some of the classes are hard and some kids struggle...but ask for help. I'm sure there are plenty of people that would help him. But it is too late when you wait until the last week of the term. What is sad is that it goes on his transcripts that he failed some classes, and he let himself down, and the team down. I'm sure it is hard for him sitting by and watching. Maybe that will be enough to make him understand that he needs to be on top of it all the time. I hope so. It is sad seeing him sit on the bench while the other kids play!

We've been talking/thinking/joking about sending Brian to Italy, alone, to visit family. We have had this discussion several times over the past few years...but he was always to young, or there wasn't the money, or there was a wedding, or basketball, or something. Well...we did it! We bought him his ticket. He is going to Italy for 24 days this summer. I can't believe that we are really doing it. We are letting him go! As of right now he really doesn't speak a word of Italian. He can understand a few things, but not much. My friend Stephanie let us borrow a computer program that helps with learning Italian...we are going to start using it this week!! We will start on his passport next week...and we, including him. are starting to save for his spending money while he is there! The family is so excited that he is coming! They can't wait to see him. He was 6 years old and going into first grade the last time he was there...He's changed a bit since then! I know that he is so excited to go as well. It will be a wonderful experience for him and now he is old enough that he can really enjoy it.

I on the other hand won't sleep for 24 days! I told my BIL that I must really trust him if I'm letting my "baby" go and spend time there with them. Thank goodness for technology and iPhone's...It will make me feel better knowing that I can get in touch with him and vice versa. Not like the olden days of letter by mail and costly phone calls.

Well..off to work I go. This was a great therapy session/stress reliever. But now on to help the next customer!

January 10, 2014

Guided By The Spirit

As I mentioned in my last post, the past few months have been difficult. There have been a lot of different feelings and emotions going on in our home, and inside each one of us. We have each dealt with these feelings in different ways.
As parents we have been open and understanding of Brian and his feelings and of letting him express himself in whatever way he needed to deal with all that he was feeling..most of those feelings being anger and loneliness. It is hard to cope with a situation when you don't have the experience or maturity that is needed to make certain choices and decisions. And then when you do make a choice and the outcome is different then what you thought or expected you begin to question yourself and the feelings you felt when you made your choice.
I counseled Brian on more than one occasion to pray about his choices. I tried to help him understand the process for making choices in our lives. There is the practical way...write down the pros and cons, different outcomes, how others will react, etc..but then, there is the other side..the most important side. To feel the spirit. To have your own personal revelation an confirmation of your choice. Sometimes the right choice makes no sense, but it is the Right choice. That is where faith comes in to play. When we ask for a confirmation of a decision we have made are we strong enough and do we have enough faith to follow through with it...even if the answer isn't what we thought it would be?
Brian told us that in Seminary they have been talking about personal revelation. How each one of us has the right to receive answers for ourselves from our Heavenly Father. What he has be studying is true. Each one of us has the right to ask our Father in Heaven what we should do and the path we should take for our lives. After we ask we have the responsibility to listen for the answer, and when that answer comes.....we must follow it...But are we strong enough? There is the saying, "be careful what you ask for because it may happen".
Brian made a choice...and he felt it was the right choice...but as time passed he realized that maybe it really wasn't the right choice for him. We talked a lot, I know I prayed a lot...I'm sure he did too. Guess what? He realized that he didn't have that peace in his heart, that peace that confirms to you that you made the right choice....so he prayed again, and asked again.This time around he received a different answer. I noticed the difference in him, immediately, once he received the Right answer. It seemed like the weight off his shoulders has been lifted. 
He told me..."I know it won't be easy, it isn't the ideal situation, and it is going to take work, but I'm willing to try." I prayed that night too, so that I could have my own confirmation that his decision was the right one, for him. Not for me, his father, family, or friends...but that it was the best answer for him. I received that warm feeling inside of me...the Spirit confirming to me that all would be well.
Things are still hard, but they are getting better. Brian seems happier and smiles more. The strong feelings of anger are slowly going away, and peace is returning to our home. My friend, Stephanie, suggested a book for me to read, The Peacegiver. I have only read a chapter or two so far, but I have already felt the spirit stir inside of me. How can I help Brian to forgive if I can't..so I'm working on it.

December 31, 2013

Ciao 2013

It's been months since I have written anything. It seems only fitting that I write tonight, being that it is the last day of 2013.

This year has been a wonderful year in many aspects. Giovanni and I went to Florida and the Bahamas for  a week. We had a wonderful time. No kids...just us! Except for a second degree sunburn for me we had a wonderful time!!

In April Robert earned his AS (Associates in Sciences) from UVU. (He is now preparing to apply to nursing school.)

Robert and Serina got engaged in May. It was a wonderful!

Brian finished jr high in May as well. It was hard to believe that we would have a kid in high school again. He did great in jr high.

In August we went to Las Vegas for 5-6 days. A lot of people say, what do you do in Vegas for a week. We hang out by the pool. Go to shows, shop, eat yummy food, and stay away from the strip. We had a fun time, and it was a nice break before all the craziness of weddings and school starting.

On August 14th Robert and Serina were married in the Provo LDS Temple. It was a beautiful day. It couldn't have been more perfect. I have to admit that inside the temple I did get emotional for a few moments...but after that it was all smiles. What a great day. And every time I see those two kids together I am so happy. Robert married into a wonderful family. They love him so much. It is everything that Gio and I could have ever hoped for him. We love Serina and are so glad that she is a part of our family. I love having another girl around. She is always smiling and happy and positive..and it is obvious how much she loves Robert.

The end of August Brian started high school. I forgot the trials that come with high school....
Sad to say, but the experience so far has not been all that we had hoped it would be. In fact, it has been just the opposite. It has been a trial and a struggle. That is one of the main reasons that I haven't written for the past several months. I have had the desire, but I've been afraid of what I might write.

I'm still not sure if I'm ready to write the whole story and every thing that has gone on and all the struggles...mainly because I want to respect Brian's privacy. He has done great with his classes. I'm so proud of him, he was accepted into the honors program and has some very hard classes, and is even taking one AP class as a freshman. He made the school freshman basketball team and is one of the starters on the team. As of now they are undefeated 9-0! We love going and watching him play, and cheering on his team. It is the one release that he has. He loves the game! I think it is what has helped to keep him going these past few months.

I stand behind Brian 100% in his decisions and choices that he has made. He has suffered a lot, more than a kid his age should have to. As a parent I have spent many nights crying for my son. And I have spent many hours praying for him. I have come to understand even better how our Father in Heaven must feel for each one us, when He sees us struggle or suffer...knowing that He must stand by and watch as we struggle and learn and make choices. Through the scriptures He tries to guide us, just like I, as a parent have tried to guide Brian these past few months.

Through struggles we learn to rely more on our Father in Heaven. We pray more, and we try to listen closer to the promptings of the spirit. That is what Brian has been doing. He has also learned that as his family, we will always be here for him. Just as our Father in Heaven is always here for each one of us.

He has learned that being popular isn't what is important. Being a good person, treating others with respect, being a good friend, and following the gospel are the things that count most. He still struggles...he is a kid, a teenager, but he is learning and beginning to understand what is most important. He still has decisions to make and there will be trials to overcome and this year will be of growth for him, but I hope he knows where he can turn for peace. I hope that he will always remember that his Father in Heaven is there for him.

These past few months have been a struggle for Gio and I as well. When you see your child suffer and it is because of other people a lot of resentment builds up. I would rather not use the word hate...
But that is what I have felt, and it isn't good. It doesn't do anyone any good. Even at my age (ha ha)...I'm learning again...that the atonement isn't just for the person who has "sinned' but mainly for the one who must forgive. It is going to take me some time, but in the end I know that I will be able to overcome the feelings that I'm feeling. I have had to even pull back from friends, because their children have had some part in what is happening to Brian...and I don't want to do or say something that I might regret. It is said that time heals all wounds. I am hoping that is true. And I know I'm going to need a lot of time.

So you see, dear reader, or dear writer (referring to myself)...it has been a good year. A year of growth and understanding. A year of learning. A year of struggles. A year full of love and happiness as well. A year where our family has pulled together and been there for one another.

I am also thankful for dear friends who has listened to me as I have voiced my concerns. I'm thankful for friends who haven't forgotten Brian, and have been there to help him and support him an let him know that there are good people in this world. Most of all I'm thankful to a kind loving Father in Heaven who hears me when I pray, and comforts me when I cry.

I can only hope that in someways 2014 will be a better year, and I hope that I will remember all that I have learned this year.