As I mentioned in my last post, the past few months have been difficult. There have been a lot of different feelings and emotions going on in our home, and inside each one of us. We have each dealt with these feelings in different ways.
As parents we have been open and understanding of Brian and his feelings and of letting him express himself in whatever way he needed to deal with all that he was feeling..most of those feelings being anger and loneliness. It is hard to cope with a situation when you don't have the experience or maturity that is needed to make certain choices and decisions. And then when you do make a choice and the outcome is different then what you thought or expected you begin to question yourself and the feelings you felt when you made your choice.
I counseled Brian on more than one occasion to pray about his choices. I tried to help him understand the process for making choices in our lives. There is the practical way...write down the pros and cons, different outcomes, how others will react, etc..but then, there is the other side..the most important side. To feel the spirit. To have your own personal revelation an confirmation of your choice. Sometimes the right choice makes no sense, but it is the Right choice. That is where faith comes in to play. When we ask for a confirmation of a decision we have made are we strong enough and do we have enough faith to follow through with it...even if the answer isn't what we thought it would be?
Brian told us that in Seminary they have been talking about personal revelation. How each one of us has the right to receive answers for ourselves from our Heavenly Father. What he has be studying is true. Each one of us has the right to ask our Father in Heaven what we should do and the path we should take for our lives. After we ask we have the responsibility to listen for the answer, and when that answer comes.....we must follow it...But are we strong enough? There is the saying, "be careful what you ask for because it may happen".
Brian made a choice...and he felt it was the right choice...but as time passed he realized that maybe it really wasn't the right choice for him. We talked a lot, I know I prayed a lot...I'm sure he did too. Guess what? He realized that he didn't have that peace in his heart, that peace that confirms to you that you made the right choice....so he prayed again, and asked again.This time around he received a different answer. I noticed the difference in him, immediately, once he received the Right answer. It seemed like the weight off his shoulders has been lifted.
He told me..."I know it won't be easy, it isn't the ideal situation, and it is going to take work, but I'm willing to try." I prayed that night too, so that I could have my own confirmation that his decision was the right one, for him. Not for me, his father, family, or friends...but that it was the best answer for him. I received that warm feeling inside of me...the Spirit confirming to me that all would be well.
Things are still hard, but they are getting better. Brian seems happier and smiles more. The strong feelings of anger are slowly going away, and peace is returning to our home. My friend, Stephanie, suggested a book for me to read, The Peacegiver. I have only read a chapter or two so far, but I have already felt the spirit stir inside of me. How can I help Brian to forgive if I can't..so I'm working on it.