President David O. McKay:
"Let me assure you, brethren, that some day you will have a Personal Priesthood Interview with the Savior Himself. If you are interested, I will tell you the order in which He will ask you to account for your earthly responsibilities.
First, He will request an accountability report about your relationship with your wife. Have you actively been engaged in making her happy and ensuring that her needs have been met as an individual?
Second, He will want an accountability report about each of your children, individually. He will not attempt to have this for simply a family stewardship report but will request information about your relationship to each and every child.
Third, He will want to know what you personally have done with the talent you were given in the pre-existence.
Fourth, He will want a summary of your activity in your Church assignments. He will not be necessarily interested in what assignments you have had, for in His eye the home teacher and the mission president are probably equals, but He will request a summary of how you have been of service to your fellowmen in your Church assignments.
Fifth, He will have no interest in how you earned your living, but if you were honest in all your dealings.
Sixth, He will ask for an accountability on what you have done to contribute in a positive manner to your community, state, country, and the world."
(statement given in June 1965 from the notes of Fred A. Baker, a managing director of the Church's Dept of Physical Facilities. Quoted by Alexander B. Morrison in Feed My Sheep: Leadership Ideas for Latter-day Shepherd, p. 157)
This past month with all that has gone on in our home with having Ryan be here with us my eyes and heart have been opened up to so many different feelings and emotions. Some good, and some, well, not so good. It has been very hard for me to sit by and let things proceed the way they have. I feel this overwhelming sense of responsibility. I told Ryan that while he was here with us that he would be one of our family and that I would treat him like one of our children. That has been hard to do, because where he is in life is different than where my children are in life. His accomplishments and trials are different, and I don't know what experiences he has had, except for the ones that I have seen or have heard about through him, or other family members over the years.
I have done my best to love him and to help him. I only hope that my actions and Giovanni's have shown that. I don't know how much of a difference this month has really made for him, and maybe I never will...but for me it has helped to realize and know once again of the love that my Heavenly Father has for me, and for each one of his children. He is mindful of us and our needs.
When this weekend comes I really don't know yet where Ryan will be going, but I know that he will no longer be here with us and our family.
Through the love and concern of a wonderful bishop and others in our ward and stake, the situation is being taken care of....also with a lot of faith that things will all work out.
Ryan's mother has become involved in the situation, and I am thankful for that. He needs a family. Not relatives to live with. He needs a home of his own. He needs to better himself and to have the opportunity to do so. I only hope that whatever suggestions and ideas and examples that we have given to him, they are ones that he will take with him and remember. But like they say....you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it. We have lead with our hearts, hopefully Ryan will be thirsty enough to drink.
The other thing that I have realized is that you never get over some things. That even though you think you have...something will happen that brings it all to the surface. And it hurts! There is really nothing you can do about it, because it is a part of you and who and what you are. It is a part of what makes you tick.
I lived a long portion of my childhood thinking that I was a bad person. That is was my fault for things that happened to me. Well...for some things that is true, because I had a choice, and I chose wrong. However, there were other things that happened to me that I had no control over. But with time I realized that I couldn't let those things control me anymore. That I could make a change and be a better person. I finally got to a point in my life where I liked me and the person that I became. I still do like me and the person that I am...but over this month, actually the past year, I again feel like I am the bad person. That had I tried more or done more, or said something, or been somewhere that things for other people could have been different. But....I am starting to realize that isn't the case. Because we all make our own choices in life. All that I can do is worry about my family and their needs. To do the best I can with them. That is my stewardship as a wife and mother.
Last night at Gio and I sat in our bishop's office at the church at 10 PM I realized again how much my father in heaven loves me. The bishop said some things to me that really made me open up and think and to realize that what I am doing, what we as a family are doing right now is a great act of service and kindness. I write that not because I want anyone to think we are so great, but because it helps me to realize that sometimes the hardest things we do are the greatest service that we can give. I told the bishop that someday we will all sit before the Lord and he will ask us what we did and we treated His children. Because in reality we are all His children. Each one of us will have to answer him, and I want to make sure that I have done the best that I can for my family. For my husband and my sons. They are everything to me and I would do anything for them. Think of what our Father in Heaven must think when he sees some of his children not being looked after or loved or cared for or taught. What pain he must feel. As parents when our children suffer we suffer. I would suppose that it is the same for Him, and even more so.
No matter what happens at the end of this week. I will know inside of me that I am a good person. I can't let the actions, or lack thereof from another person affect me and my life. I have done that for way to long. No one will ever understand how I feel until they have walked in my shoes. I only hope that my nephew Ryan will know how much we love him and how much we hope for his success and happiness. Whatever we have done, we have done it for him.
I'm so thankful to a wonderful husband who supports me and tries to understand my feelings and heartaches. He loves me no matter what and I am so thankful for that! I could not have married a more wonderful man! And our two sons are my life. I only hope someday when I have that interview with my Father in Heaven, that he will know that I have tried my best.
