MANY THOUGHTS

Today is one of those days when my mind is thinking way to much! I wish sometimes that I could turn it off, or it least slow it down some...but I don't think that is gonna happen. So I might as well sit here and write down a few of the things that I'm thinking.
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There have been a lot of  baby showers this summer, wedding showers, weddings, etc. It must be that time of year. A lot of Robert's friends are getting married. It makes me wonder how it will be for him when the time comes. I can't imagine him coming home from his mission, finding a girl and getting married. I have said it many times...I hope that he waits a while. Gets some of his schooling under his belt first and do some things that he wants to do. Once you're married life takes on a whole new meaning. And it isn't just you anymore. However, at the same time Gio and I are so curious to see what type of girl he will date, and who will be the lucky one that he will marry. We can't wait to be grandparents and we of course are hoping for a grand-daughter. Little boys are fine too, but, well...we never had that girl, so we are looking forward to the frills, bows, and dollies! But...this topic should wait for another day! We still have about 6 months to go until he walks off that plane and right now I'm just trying to envision that!!
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There is a show on TV that is called, "Switched at Birth". It is some low cost TV show that they do late a t night, to attract the younger crowd. I watched it the first night it was on because I was intrigued by the title. End up that I'm hooked. Two babies born on the same day in the same hospital go home with the wrong mother and raised in a different family. As 16 yr olds they find out the truth, and try to work out the whole mess.
I guess I'm intrigued because of my background. I wasn't switched at birth, I was given away at birth. I was adopted through the state of California. I know very little about my birth parents. Father is Costa Rican..yeah you could tell that by looking at me, couldn't you!? Mother was a Heinz 57 sauce...a bit of everything. She was only 16 yrs old when I was born. Allergic to strawberries (which happens to be one of my favorite fruits!). I was adopted when I was 3 weeks old. Well, that is when my parents took me home from the adoption agency. I still have the dress they brought me home in. I have the adoption papers, the notes from the people at the orphanage who took care of me...how I liked my bath, how I liked to lay to fall asleep, how much formula I drank. I guess you could say that I did come with some sort of an instruction manual, most kids don't but I did.
As I grew up I wondered a lot about my biological mother. Did she think of me, did she remember that it was my birthday? Etc. I would make up stories and images in my mind of us meeting and how it would be. As I got older though I lost some of that desire. I realized that my mother was the woman who raised me. The one who was there when I was sick, when I was sad, who wiped my tears and rocked me to sleep. And my dad was the one who taught me how to ride a bike, a motorcycle, drive his stick shift truck, and who would stick up for me! Those were my parents. Those ARE my parents.
A few months before my mother died I was looking into finding my biological mother. I really wanted to know her. Robert was upset about the fact. He said that we didn't need another "grandmother" that we already had one. I told him it wasn't going to be like that , but I wanted to know where I came from. He didn't understand. And I couldn't continue my search until the whole family was okay with it.
Then mom got sick and passed away. It just didn't seem like the right time then either. And it hasn't seemed like it...until now.
This show has made me a bit curious again about "who I am". I know who I am, but I want to know about where I came from....probably seems weird to some people.
I know that my parents are the one's who raised me, and they always will be, but well...what about that other person? That other lady in my life without a name or a face, but who always lingers in the shadows? Does she think about me? I am sure that she does. After having children of my own I now know that there is no way that she doesn't think about me, or remember me. But does she want to know me...that is another question.
I am still not sure what I'm going to do about this...but I better make a decision...I'm not getting any younger, and neither is she.
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How much freedom should we give our kids? This is one of those questions that I'm not sure what the right or wrong answer is.
Brian is almost 13. He has a cell phone, a FB account (very private and blocked), and email account, and I let him go hang out with his friends all the time. He has to be in by 10 PM and 10:30 on Fri and Sat. That will change some with the start of school in a few weeks...but for now he is enjoying the summer. He likes girls and they like him. We have had several talks about standards, expectations, morals, goals, school, etc. He knows what is expected of him.
However...what am I missing here. Should we be doing more, less?
Robert turned out great, and we did the same thing with him. I have some friends who have been so tight and strict with their children that they have run the other direction and now they have some serious problems to contend with. We were lucky! And blessed! Robert had/has great friends. And that made all the difference, I'm sure. As well as the gospel in his life, of course.
So, now I'm doing the same thing with Brian..but this time it is different. He seems more grown up at a younger age. Should I be holding him back some, or letting him go?
I guess all I can do is pray for him every night and for my self that I will know the right things to do at the right time.
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I love my husband! I am so lucky to have him. He is everything to me! I can't imagine my life without him.
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Missions are hard. So many ups and downs and all arounds...but what a blessing to serve the Lord for two years and to grow and learn. I am so proud of Robert. He is a great example to all of us.