When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop into the darkness of the unknown...FAITH is knowing on of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to FLY.
Thank you Alicia....love that quote. I am thankful for faith...and having that solid foundation to rely on, but also for the ability to fly when needed. I feel like these past few weeks I've been flying....but I haven't faltered...and I have learned so many new things.
July 26, 2010
July 25, 2010
REFLECTIONS
When Robert was in school they use to do this yearly contest called Reflections. There would be a certain theme and then the students would do some sort of art work relating to the theme. The art work could be a poem, essay, music, picture, etc. It was a great way to make them reflect on the things around them and their lives. Robert never participated in this contest. And that is okay..that isn't what made me think about it today.
It was actually my own personal reflections. Looking back on my life and the different experiences that have brought me to this point to be who and what I am. As a newborn baby we don't get to choose the family we are born into (or do we? that is a question I will leave for another day). However, as adults we can choose the type of person that we want to be and what we do with our lives. If there is a family pattern or cycle that we don't like we can try to change that cycle. We can make a difference and be a difference.
It is no secret to anyone that growing up I wasn't the best kid. I had issues with my brother from a young age, that continue to affect our relationship or lack thereof to this day. With my mother and father...well lets just say that with the passing of years I grew to love and respect them. When my mother passed away she was my best friend. I still cherrish the relationship with my father and hope that over the years I have been ablae to show him by word and deed that I love him. And his wife Lorraine as well. I am so thankful for her and for the happiness that she bring to my father, and for all that she has done for our families.
As a teen-ager going into young adulthood I did and said a lot of stupid things. I think because I didn't know who I was or feel good about myself. It was a hard time for me. High school was no big thrill. Infact, I was so glad when it was done. I left all those childhood memories and heart aches behind in 1985 when we moved to Utah. It was my chance to start over and find me. I had never returned back to that place in my life until last September when Gio and I returned to the bay area after amost 25 yrs. I put a lot of demons to rest on that trip. Best thing I ever did. Most of all because I was able to spend 4 wonderful days alone with the most amazing man in the world! My husband.
I was blessed to have the opportunity to serve as a missionary in Italy and meet Giovanni at the end of that service. Thank goodness for his persistance and acceptance. He is my best friend. That isn't to say that we haven't had our ups and downs in life, because that is what life is. However, through it all we have made sure to communicate with one another and realize that we are each other's best friend. We don't look for happiness or distractions in other people, but with one another. That is what has worked for us. And I think we are pretty lucky.
We have two great sons that are our lives. I would die for any of them in a moment. Gio or the boys. I wouldn't even have to think about it. Robert and Brian have brought so much happiness and joy into my life. All I ever wanted in life was to be married and be a mother. And that is what I am. I am not a great mother, but I do my best. I hope that my sons would say I'm a good mother. Most of all I hope that they know how much I love them and feel about them.
Sometimes we don't realize the blessings that we have right in front of us until something happens to make us think and reflect. Or, as the case may be for me right now, to be on the recieving end. Since we have lived in our ward I haven't required much as far as service from others. Even when my mother passed away, we were able to take care of it. There have been prayers offered on our behalf, or a neighbor who came over to help fix the washer, or install a microwave. But nothing major. Until now.
As I have written, our nephew is staying with us right now. The situation ended up being much more than we realized at the time when we said he could stay. There are some things in his life that he needs to take care of, which he is doing now. We also set up some pretty tight rules for him to abide by while he is here. I am so proud of him. I know that it hasn't been the easiest of situations for him. We are a lot stricter than his parents are or have been with him in the past. And much more so with him then we were with Robert. But it was needed and for certain reasons. He hasn't complained once! I know that he has wanted to, but he hasn't and that is huge for him! He has made some changes. And for the better. I hope that when he leaves here he will continue to try his best to be the best he can be.
I went and talked to our bishop about the situation, because it is a complicated one. After our talk he understood things much better and realized that there was an immediate need and also long term needs. With 24-48 hrs there were other ward and stake members who were there to help out and give suggestions and advice in their particular field of expertise. It has been a miracle to me...to see how quickly and readily people have been willing to help, or just be a listening ear. My relief society president always was a dear friend, but she has been so wonderful as well...just letting me vent my frustrations, and to be a listening and caring ear for me. I showed up on her doorstep one morning and stayed and talked for over an hour. When I left her home I knew that I needed to talk to the Bishop and it has been better and bearable since then.
The situation still isn't resolved...however because of the kindness of those around us, well, it is so much better. I still do feel stressed, however, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
On Friday I realized that I needed to just go for a ride in the car. Just to have some quiet time. No one was home, however, a drive felt like the right thing. I wanted to go somewhere where I would feel good. I realized that I didn't need to go far. I just got in my van and drove up the hill, and drove around our ward neighborhood. As I past each home I realized that I knew just about everyone in every house....There were a few that I wasn't sure about. But for the most part I realized that in the 11 yrs that we have lived here my family has been blessed by each of these families in one or more ways. We really do have a piece of heaven right here in our own neighborhood. By the time I was done with my car ride I had tears of gratitude. I felt so blessed and so loved to live where we do. I knew even more than before that we lived in the right place. And I also felt like Ryan wasn't here with us just by chance. It was all apart of Heavenly Father's plan so that he and his family could get the help they need. The Lord is mindful of our needs. I know it has been hard, on all of us, but it has been a testimony builder to me. And a reminder.
Thank you so much to all those people who have been an influence in our lives. We are so blessed to have each one of you in our lives.
The Lord really is mindful of us and our needs and and He does hear and answer our prayers. It seems like Robert and I learned the same thing this past week. Read his letter to find out about his experience.
It was actually my own personal reflections. Looking back on my life and the different experiences that have brought me to this point to be who and what I am. As a newborn baby we don't get to choose the family we are born into (or do we? that is a question I will leave for another day). However, as adults we can choose the type of person that we want to be and what we do with our lives. If there is a family pattern or cycle that we don't like we can try to change that cycle. We can make a difference and be a difference.
It is no secret to anyone that growing up I wasn't the best kid. I had issues with my brother from a young age, that continue to affect our relationship or lack thereof to this day. With my mother and father...well lets just say that with the passing of years I grew to love and respect them. When my mother passed away she was my best friend. I still cherrish the relationship with my father and hope that over the years I have been ablae to show him by word and deed that I love him. And his wife Lorraine as well. I am so thankful for her and for the happiness that she bring to my father, and for all that she has done for our families.
As a teen-ager going into young adulthood I did and said a lot of stupid things. I think because I didn't know who I was or feel good about myself. It was a hard time for me. High school was no big thrill. Infact, I was so glad when it was done. I left all those childhood memories and heart aches behind in 1985 when we moved to Utah. It was my chance to start over and find me. I had never returned back to that place in my life until last September when Gio and I returned to the bay area after amost 25 yrs. I put a lot of demons to rest on that trip. Best thing I ever did. Most of all because I was able to spend 4 wonderful days alone with the most amazing man in the world! My husband.
I was blessed to have the opportunity to serve as a missionary in Italy and meet Giovanni at the end of that service. Thank goodness for his persistance and acceptance. He is my best friend. That isn't to say that we haven't had our ups and downs in life, because that is what life is. However, through it all we have made sure to communicate with one another and realize that we are each other's best friend. We don't look for happiness or distractions in other people, but with one another. That is what has worked for us. And I think we are pretty lucky.
We have two great sons that are our lives. I would die for any of them in a moment. Gio or the boys. I wouldn't even have to think about it. Robert and Brian have brought so much happiness and joy into my life. All I ever wanted in life was to be married and be a mother. And that is what I am. I am not a great mother, but I do my best. I hope that my sons would say I'm a good mother. Most of all I hope that they know how much I love them and feel about them.
Sometimes we don't realize the blessings that we have right in front of us until something happens to make us think and reflect. Or, as the case may be for me right now, to be on the recieving end. Since we have lived in our ward I haven't required much as far as service from others. Even when my mother passed away, we were able to take care of it. There have been prayers offered on our behalf, or a neighbor who came over to help fix the washer, or install a microwave. But nothing major. Until now.
As I have written, our nephew is staying with us right now. The situation ended up being much more than we realized at the time when we said he could stay. There are some things in his life that he needs to take care of, which he is doing now. We also set up some pretty tight rules for him to abide by while he is here. I am so proud of him. I know that it hasn't been the easiest of situations for him. We are a lot stricter than his parents are or have been with him in the past. And much more so with him then we were with Robert. But it was needed and for certain reasons. He hasn't complained once! I know that he has wanted to, but he hasn't and that is huge for him! He has made some changes. And for the better. I hope that when he leaves here he will continue to try his best to be the best he can be.
I went and talked to our bishop about the situation, because it is a complicated one. After our talk he understood things much better and realized that there was an immediate need and also long term needs. With 24-48 hrs there were other ward and stake members who were there to help out and give suggestions and advice in their particular field of expertise. It has been a miracle to me...to see how quickly and readily people have been willing to help, or just be a listening ear. My relief society president always was a dear friend, but she has been so wonderful as well...just letting me vent my frustrations, and to be a listening and caring ear for me. I showed up on her doorstep one morning and stayed and talked for over an hour. When I left her home I knew that I needed to talk to the Bishop and it has been better and bearable since then.
The situation still isn't resolved...however because of the kindness of those around us, well, it is so much better. I still do feel stressed, however, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
On Friday I realized that I needed to just go for a ride in the car. Just to have some quiet time. No one was home, however, a drive felt like the right thing. I wanted to go somewhere where I would feel good. I realized that I didn't need to go far. I just got in my van and drove up the hill, and drove around our ward neighborhood. As I past each home I realized that I knew just about everyone in every house....There were a few that I wasn't sure about. But for the most part I realized that in the 11 yrs that we have lived here my family has been blessed by each of these families in one or more ways. We really do have a piece of heaven right here in our own neighborhood. By the time I was done with my car ride I had tears of gratitude. I felt so blessed and so loved to live where we do. I knew even more than before that we lived in the right place. And I also felt like Ryan wasn't here with us just by chance. It was all apart of Heavenly Father's plan so that he and his family could get the help they need. The Lord is mindful of our needs. I know it has been hard, on all of us, but it has been a testimony builder to me. And a reminder.
Thank you so much to all those people who have been an influence in our lives. We are so blessed to have each one of you in our lives.
The Lord really is mindful of us and our needs and and He does hear and answer our prayers. It seems like Robert and I learned the same thing this past week. Read his letter to find out about his experience.
July 12, 2010
FOLLOW THE PROPHET
From previous posts I'm sure that you who read this blog have figured out that there has been a bit of turmoil going on around me. Some things are under my control, and others aren't. I have a hard time just letting things go. I realize that is one of my faults, and something that I really do try to work at, a lot. Also...I am a bit OCD about things...not to the point that I need meds or anything like that, just...well, if you know me, you know what I mean. LOL!
I had finally gotten to the point in my life where I could let some things go, but the way to do that was to sever a relationship with someone close to me. Mainly by need for me, and my OCDness, etc. It was also my way of trying to forgive and forget. If I don't know about something or see it, or be involved in it...then I am able to just go on...also because it was causing so much stress in my life....and I couldn't do it anymore.
Well...now I feel like I am back in it again. My nephew, Ryan, is living with us. He is 21 yrs old and has some family issues, etc...and didn't have a place to live so we took him in. We told him that he can stay until the first week of August, but at that point he would have had to make other arrangements...and that I didn't want to be compared to other people, if when that time came he had no place to stay and had to leave. Since he has been here we have realized that the situation is so much larger than we ever thought.
We are really trying our best to help him out. There are so many different issues involved....but in the end, I feel like we have bitten off more than we can chew in the sense that I just don't know what will happen in a month from now....
Then we found out that his sister (27) is pregnant. She isn't married, and the situation is really kind of sad, it least I think so. Maybe I am the one who is thinking wrong about this...but, well....that is my choice. I wish her the best of luck...it is going to be hard...harder than she thinks because right now she is having her own hard time...but it is what it is....and that is okay.
All of this turmoil has made me think about the gospel and the role that it plays in our lives and the importance of following the prophet and his counsel for each one of us.
I know in my life that times that I was doing the wrong thing; drinking, etc....it was because I wasn't following the teachings of the church. I thought that I knew better and didn't need anything more in my life. I remember my father asking me at one point, "What happened to his daughter?" He may not remember that moment, but I do...and very clearly because it was a life changing moment for me....That doesn't mean that life has been perfect since then. There have been many ups and downs a long the way, and a lot of trials in my life.
However, that day I realized that I needed to change somethings and to decide which side of the fence I was really on. Did I have a testimony of the gospel and was I going to follow the teachings, and if not...then to not be a hypocrite. It was an eye opening experience for me. We lived in California at the time, but we were moving to Utah in a few months and I remember thinking...."I can start over!" and that is what I did.
When we moved here it was a new start. I could be whatever I wanted. The old Judi didn't have to come with me...thank goodness!!!
Ever since then, I really have tried to follow the teachings of the gospel. I have had periods of time where it has been put to the side..not completely, but it wasn't in the forefront of my life. I had the opportunity to serve a mission, something that really did change me forever, and I met Giovanni. Life for us hasn't been what we thought it would be. We had hopes and dreams that were shattered...however...together we have made it through and we love each other and we are happy. He is my best friend, and I am his. We love our boys, and I think I can say with a certainty that they love us and we really are a happy family. Not without our trials, but overall, we have been blessed with our sons! They are great boys!
As they have grown from babies, to toddlers, to little boys, to young men, and to missionary we have also had to change and put what is most important in the forefront of our lives. That is the gospel of Jesus Christ. And this past week with all that has been going on around me I realize even more how important that gospel has been in our lives. We haven't always read the scriptures every night/morning, or said family prayer everyday, and there have been weeks when we didn't go to church because we wanted to stay home and take a break, and tithing was a struggle at times....however, my testimony of the gospel never wavered! I always knew that it was true and in my own way I would try to stay close to the spirit.
When Robert started high school I remember thinking ... if this boy has any desire to serve a mission it needs to come also from us as his parents. And then I decided that I would try to do better....with ups and downs again...but overall I think that a change started to happen. Then it hit me...if he goes on a mission we need to be an example to him...and so the change became stronger and more evident.
From when Robert made the choice to serve I have really tried to follow the teachings of the prophet and I can honestly say that it has been such a strength for me. I have the spirit with me more often than naught and I am able to teach my children things that I couldn't before. Most of all the spirit in our home has changed. Since Robert has been gone, he has been an example to us, and I am thankful for that!
As I spoke to my niece on the phone yesterday about her situation...it came to me, that yes I am sad for her and her situation and that is okay...I can have my thoughts and opinions about it, but in the end, she will do what she feels is best.
My advice to her was to return back to church. Follow the prophet, follow the teachings in the scriptures, pray daily, study, and stay close to the Lord. Children don't come with manuals. But if we are doing what we can and relying on the Lord to make up the rest, He will. That is what is so great about the gospel. We don't have to do it all alone. Every Sunday when we take the sacrament we can start over again. That is why we were baptized. How thankful I am for that knowledge. And also for the small reminders that come to me in different ways.
I know that things will be hard for a while, but in the end, I have the Lord on my side and if I stay close to Him I can't fail. It will be rough and the road may be hard, but I will finish the race.
In a talk in church yesterday one of the speakers said something that I really like and it hit home with me:
"You don't have to be obedient to have faith. You have to have faith to be obedient"
I had finally gotten to the point in my life where I could let some things go, but the way to do that was to sever a relationship with someone close to me. Mainly by need for me, and my OCDness, etc. It was also my way of trying to forgive and forget. If I don't know about something or see it, or be involved in it...then I am able to just go on...also because it was causing so much stress in my life....and I couldn't do it anymore.
Well...now I feel like I am back in it again. My nephew, Ryan, is living with us. He is 21 yrs old and has some family issues, etc...and didn't have a place to live so we took him in. We told him that he can stay until the first week of August, but at that point he would have had to make other arrangements...and that I didn't want to be compared to other people, if when that time came he had no place to stay and had to leave. Since he has been here we have realized that the situation is so much larger than we ever thought.
We are really trying our best to help him out. There are so many different issues involved....but in the end, I feel like we have bitten off more than we can chew in the sense that I just don't know what will happen in a month from now....
Then we found out that his sister (27) is pregnant. She isn't married, and the situation is really kind of sad, it least I think so. Maybe I am the one who is thinking wrong about this...but, well....that is my choice. I wish her the best of luck...it is going to be hard...harder than she thinks because right now she is having her own hard time...but it is what it is....and that is okay.
All of this turmoil has made me think about the gospel and the role that it plays in our lives and the importance of following the prophet and his counsel for each one of us.
I know in my life that times that I was doing the wrong thing; drinking, etc....it was because I wasn't following the teachings of the church. I thought that I knew better and didn't need anything more in my life. I remember my father asking me at one point, "What happened to his daughter?" He may not remember that moment, but I do...and very clearly because it was a life changing moment for me....That doesn't mean that life has been perfect since then. There have been many ups and downs a long the way, and a lot of trials in my life.
However, that day I realized that I needed to change somethings and to decide which side of the fence I was really on. Did I have a testimony of the gospel and was I going to follow the teachings, and if not...then to not be a hypocrite. It was an eye opening experience for me. We lived in California at the time, but we were moving to Utah in a few months and I remember thinking...."I can start over!" and that is what I did.
When we moved here it was a new start. I could be whatever I wanted. The old Judi didn't have to come with me...thank goodness!!!
Ever since then, I really have tried to follow the teachings of the gospel. I have had periods of time where it has been put to the side..not completely, but it wasn't in the forefront of my life. I had the opportunity to serve a mission, something that really did change me forever, and I met Giovanni. Life for us hasn't been what we thought it would be. We had hopes and dreams that were shattered...however...together we have made it through and we love each other and we are happy. He is my best friend, and I am his. We love our boys, and I think I can say with a certainty that they love us and we really are a happy family. Not without our trials, but overall, we have been blessed with our sons! They are great boys!
As they have grown from babies, to toddlers, to little boys, to young men, and to missionary we have also had to change and put what is most important in the forefront of our lives. That is the gospel of Jesus Christ. And this past week with all that has been going on around me I realize even more how important that gospel has been in our lives. We haven't always read the scriptures every night/morning, or said family prayer everyday, and there have been weeks when we didn't go to church because we wanted to stay home and take a break, and tithing was a struggle at times....however, my testimony of the gospel never wavered! I always knew that it was true and in my own way I would try to stay close to the spirit.
When Robert started high school I remember thinking ... if this boy has any desire to serve a mission it needs to come also from us as his parents. And then I decided that I would try to do better....with ups and downs again...but overall I think that a change started to happen. Then it hit me...if he goes on a mission we need to be an example to him...and so the change became stronger and more evident.
From when Robert made the choice to serve I have really tried to follow the teachings of the prophet and I can honestly say that it has been such a strength for me. I have the spirit with me more often than naught and I am able to teach my children things that I couldn't before. Most of all the spirit in our home has changed. Since Robert has been gone, he has been an example to us, and I am thankful for that!
As I spoke to my niece on the phone yesterday about her situation...it came to me, that yes I am sad for her and her situation and that is okay...I can have my thoughts and opinions about it, but in the end, she will do what she feels is best.
My advice to her was to return back to church. Follow the prophet, follow the teachings in the scriptures, pray daily, study, and stay close to the Lord. Children don't come with manuals. But if we are doing what we can and relying on the Lord to make up the rest, He will. That is what is so great about the gospel. We don't have to do it all alone. Every Sunday when we take the sacrament we can start over again. That is why we were baptized. How thankful I am for that knowledge. And also for the small reminders that come to me in different ways.
I know that things will be hard for a while, but in the end, I have the Lord on my side and if I stay close to Him I can't fail. It will be rough and the road may be hard, but I will finish the race.
In a talk in church yesterday one of the speakers said something that I really like and it hit home with me:
"You don't have to be obedient to have faith. You have to have faith to be obedient"
July 9, 2010
A LOT GOING ON
There have been a few changes that have gone on at our home in the last 48 hours. My brother's son, Ryan, has moved in with us for a while. It wasn't something that we really planned on, but things just happen and when you know that something is the right thing, you just do it, and don't ask questions. That is what Gio and I did. We knew that there was a need, and so we took care of it. I don't know how long it will last, but for now we are doing what we can...
We have received several "blessings" in the past, and at one time we were told to pay it forward. That is what I think we are doing now. Also, I look at it this way, there are a lot of people right now who are watching over our son Robert and taking care of him, so we are watching over someone else's son right now.
It isn't a permanent situation, but there is a need. I am looking at the positive things that can come from this experience and hoping for the best. Ryan is a great kid and has a good heart, he just needs some guidance right now. I hope that Gio and I are able to help him out some....we will try our best.
Brian is doing football camp this week, then next week it is basketball camp...there is a camp out tonight, and scout camp in 3 weeks...he is just keeping busy!
As usual work, church, and etc for Gio and I...but life is good.
We look forward to Wednesday mornings and emails from Robert....
That is our life for now.
We have received several "blessings" in the past, and at one time we were told to pay it forward. That is what I think we are doing now. Also, I look at it this way, there are a lot of people right now who are watching over our son Robert and taking care of him, so we are watching over someone else's son right now.
It isn't a permanent situation, but there is a need. I am looking at the positive things that can come from this experience and hoping for the best. Ryan is a great kid and has a good heart, he just needs some guidance right now. I hope that Gio and I are able to help him out some....we will try our best.
Brian is doing football camp this week, then next week it is basketball camp...there is a camp out tonight, and scout camp in 3 weeks...he is just keeping busy!
As usual work, church, and etc for Gio and I...but life is good.
We look forward to Wednesday mornings and emails from Robert....
That is our life for now.
LAS VEGAS BABY!!!
Over the July 4th weekend we took a quick trip down to Las Vegas, with a layover in St. George for a few hours. It was so nice to get away for a few days. I didn't realize how much we ALL needed it. It has been a long time since we have been able to escape, and now I'm ready to go somewhere else....and soon!
We left on Friday afternoon, after a small mishap with Gio's car....had to get it back from the shop and after spending all my "not won yet" winnings to fix the car..we were finally on the road. We got to St. George and had a spicy tasty dinner prepared by our friend Michelle...some of the best fajitas I've had in a long time. Then off to the Tuachan to see Talon in "Tarzan". Can I just say that it was fantastic. And a play is even better when you know one of the actors, and when it is one of the leads it is even better. He played young Tarzan and did a super job. We sure are gonna miss that kid! He leaves on Sunday for a stint with the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts (or something like that) out of Washington DC and will be touring with "Mary Poppins"....good luck Talon! We sure love you and are going to miss you! Thank you for one last evening with you, we had a blast!
I have to admit that there were a few times during the play that I thought of Robert.
He LOVES Tarzan and would have really enjoyed the play!
Then off to Las Vegas!!! It wasn't as hot as we thought it would be, and we did a lot of relaxing. We finally took a picture under the Las Vegas sign...something we have never done before! Silly us!
We stayed at the Cancun Resort and it was wonderful. We lounged by the pool and just relaxed.
We drove downtown a few times, saw a show, and went to the movies and saw Eclipse. Even Gio said it was okay....of course Brian and I loved it!!!
We even ran into a few famous people while we were walking along the strip....
Brian missed his brother so much that this guy kept him company in his room at night!
It was a wonderful weekend and great family time!
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