REFLECTIONS

When Robert was in school they use to do this yearly contest called Reflections. There would be a certain theme and then the students would do some sort of art work relating to the theme. The art work could be a poem, essay, music, picture, etc. It was a great way to make them reflect on the things around them and their lives. Robert never participated in this contest. And that is okay..that isn't what made me think about it today.

It was actually my own personal reflections. Looking back on my life and the different experiences that have brought me to this point to be who and what I am. As a newborn baby we don't get to choose the family we are born into (or do we? that is a question I will leave for another day). However, as adults we can choose the type of person that we want to be and what we do with our lives. If there is a family pattern or cycle that we don't like we can try to change that cycle. We can make a difference and be a difference.

It is no secret to anyone that growing up I wasn't the best kid. I had issues with my brother from a young age, that continue to affect our relationship or lack thereof  to this day. With my mother and father...well lets just say that with the passing of years I grew to love and respect them. When my mother passed away she was my best friend. I still cherrish the relationship with my father and hope that over the years I have been ablae to show him by word and deed that I love him. And his wife Lorraine as well. I am so thankful for her and for the happiness that she bring to my father, and for all that she has done for our families.

As a teen-ager going into young adulthood I did and said a lot of stupid things. I think because I didn't know who I was or feel good about myself. It was a hard time for me. High school was no big thrill. Infact, I was so glad when it was done. I left all those childhood memories and heart aches behind in 1985 when we moved to Utah. It was my chance to start over and find me. I had never returned back to that place in my life until last September when Gio and I returned to the bay area after amost 25 yrs. I put a lot of demons to rest on that trip. Best thing I ever did. Most of all because I was able to spend 4 wonderful days alone with the most amazing man in the world! My husband.

I was blessed to have the opportunity to serve as a missionary in Italy and meet Giovanni at the end of that service. Thank goodness for his persistance and acceptance. He is my best friend. That isn't to say that we haven't had our ups and downs in life, because that is what life is. However, through it all we have made sure to communicate with one another and realize that we are each other's best friend. We don't look for happiness or distractions in other people, but with one another. That is what has worked for us. And I think we are pretty lucky.

We have two great sons that are our lives. I would die for any of them in a moment. Gio or the boys. I wouldn't even have to think about it. Robert and Brian have brought so much happiness and joy into my life. All I ever wanted in life was to be married and be a mother. And that is what I am. I am not a great mother, but I do my best. I hope that my sons would say I'm a good mother. Most of all I hope that they know how much I love them and feel about them.

Sometimes we don't realize the blessings that we have right in front of us until something happens to make us think and reflect. Or, as the case may be for me right now,  to be on the recieving end. Since we have lived in our ward I haven't required much as far as service from others. Even when my mother passed away, we were able to take care of it. There have been prayers offered on our behalf, or a neighbor who came over to help fix the washer, or install a microwave. But nothing major. Until now.

As I have written, our nephew is staying with us right now. The situation ended up being much more than we realized at the time when we said he could stay. There are some things in his life that he needs to take care of, which he is doing now. We also set up some pretty tight rules for him to abide by while he is here. I am so proud of him. I know that it hasn't been the easiest of situations for him. We are a lot stricter than his parents are or have been with him in the past. And much more so with him then we were with Robert. But it was needed and for certain reasons. He hasn't complained once! I know that he has wanted to, but he hasn't and that is huge for him! He has made some changes. And for the better. I hope that when he leaves here he will continue to try his best to be the best he can be.

I went and talked to our bishop about the situation, because it is a complicated one. After our talk he understood things much better and realized that there was an immediate need and also long term needs. With 24-48 hrs there were other ward and stake members who were there to help out and give suggestions and advice in their particular field of expertise. It has been a miracle to me...to see how quickly and readily people have been willing to help, or just be a listening ear. My relief society president always was a dear friend, but she has been so wonderful as well...just letting me vent my frustrations, and to be a listening and caring ear for me. I showed up on her doorstep one morning and stayed and talked for over an hour. When I left her home I knew that I needed to talk to the Bishop and it has been better and bearable since then.

The situation still isn't resolved...however because of the kindness of those around us, well, it is so much better. I still do feel stressed, however, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

On Friday I realized that I needed to just go for a ride in the car. Just to have some quiet time. No one was home, however, a drive felt like the right thing. I wanted to go somewhere where I would feel good. I realized that I didn't need to go far. I just got in my van and drove up the hill, and drove around our ward neighborhood. As I past each home I realized that I knew just about everyone in every house....There were a few that I wasn't sure about. But for the most part I realized that in the 11 yrs that we have lived here my family has been blessed by each of these families in one or more ways.  We really do have a piece of heaven right here in our own neighborhood. By the time I was done with my car ride I had tears of gratitude. I felt so blessed and so loved to live where we do. I knew even more than before that we lived in the right place. And I also felt like Ryan wasn't here with us just by chance. It was all apart of Heavenly Father's plan so that he and his family could get the help they need. The Lord is mindful of our needs. I know it has been hard, on all of us, but it has been a testimony builder to me. And a reminder.

Thank you so much to all those people who have been an influence in our lives. We are so blessed to have each one of you in our lives.

The Lord really is mindful of us and our needs and and He does hear and answer our prayers. It seems like Robert and I learned the same thing this past week. Read his letter to find out about his experience.