FOLLOW THE PROPHET

From previous posts I'm sure that you who read this blog have figured out that there has been a bit of turmoil going on around me. Some things are under my control, and others aren't. I have a hard time just letting things go. I realize that is one of my faults, and something that I really do try to work at, a lot. Also...I am a bit OCD about things...not to the point that I need meds or anything like that, just...well, if you know me, you know what I mean. LOL!
I had finally gotten to the point in my life where I could let some things go, but the way to do that was to sever a relationship with someone close to me. Mainly by need for me, and my OCDness, etc. It was also my way of trying to forgive and forget. If I don't know about something or see it, or be involved in it...then I am able to just go on...also because it was causing so much stress in my life....and I couldn't do it anymore.
Well...now I feel like I am back in it again. My nephew, Ryan, is living with us. He is 21 yrs old and has some family issues, etc...and didn't have a place to live so we took him in. We told him that he can stay until the first week of August, but at that point he would have had to make other arrangements...and that I didn't want to be compared to other people, if when that time came he had no place to stay and had to leave.  Since he has been here we have realized that the situation is so much larger than we ever thought.
We are really trying our best to help him out. There are so many different issues involved....but in the end, I feel like we have bitten off more than we can chew in the sense that I just don't know what will happen in a month from now....
Then we found out that his sister (27) is pregnant. She isn't married, and the situation is really kind of sad, it least I think so. Maybe I am the one who is thinking wrong about this...but, well....that is my choice. I wish her the best of luck...it is going to be hard...harder than she thinks because right now she is having her own hard time...but it is what it is....and that is okay.
All of this turmoil has made me think about the gospel and the role that it plays in our lives and the importance of following the prophet and his counsel for each one of us.
I know in my life that times that I was doing the wrong thing; drinking, etc....it was because I wasn't following the teachings of the church. I thought that I knew better and didn't need anything more in my life. I remember my father asking me at one point, "What happened to his daughter?" He may not remember that moment, but I do...and very clearly because it was a life changing moment for me....That doesn't mean that life has been perfect since then. There have been many ups and downs a long the way, and a lot of trials in my life.
However, that day I realized that I needed to change somethings and to decide which side of the fence I was really on. Did I have a testimony of the gospel and was I going to follow the teachings, and if not...then to not be a hypocrite. It was an eye opening experience for me. We lived in California at the time, but we were moving to Utah in a few months and I remember thinking...."I can start over!" and that is what I did.
When we moved here it was a new start. I could be whatever I wanted. The old Judi didn't have to come with me...thank goodness!!!
Ever since then, I really have tried to follow the teachings of the gospel. I have had periods of time where it has been put to the side..not completely, but it wasn't in the forefront of my life. I had the opportunity to serve a mission, something that really did change me forever, and I met Giovanni. Life for us hasn't been what we thought it would be. We had hopes and dreams that were shattered...however...together we have made it through and we love each other and we are happy. He is my best friend, and I am his. We love our boys, and I think I can say with a certainty that they love us and we really are a happy family. Not without our trials, but overall, we have been blessed with our sons! They are great boys!
As they have grown from babies, to toddlers, to little boys, to young men, and to missionary we have also had to change and put what is most important in the forefront of our lives. That is the gospel of Jesus Christ. And this past week with all that has been going on around me I realize even more how important that gospel has been in our lives. We haven't always read the scriptures every night/morning, or said family prayer everyday, and there have been weeks when we didn't go to church because we wanted to stay home and take a break, and tithing was a struggle at times....however, my testimony of the gospel never wavered! I always knew that it was true and in my own way I would try to stay close to the spirit.
When Robert started high school I remember thinking ... if this boy has any desire to serve a mission it needs to come also from us as his parents. And then I decided that I would try to do better....with ups and downs again...but overall I think that a change started to happen. Then it hit me...if he goes on a mission we need to be an example to him...and so the change became stronger and more evident.
From when Robert made the choice to serve I have really tried to follow the teachings of the prophet and I can honestly say that it has been such a strength for me. I have the spirit with me more often than naught and I am able to teach my children things that I couldn't before. Most of all the spirit in our home has changed. Since Robert has been gone, he has been an example to us, and I am thankful for that!
As I spoke to my niece on the phone yesterday about her situation...it came to me, that yes I am sad for her and her situation and that is okay...I can have my thoughts and opinions about it, but in the end, she will do what she feels is best.
My advice to her was to return back to church. Follow the prophet, follow the teachings in the scriptures, pray daily, study, and stay close to the Lord. Children don't come with manuals. But if we are doing what we can and relying on the Lord to make up the rest, He will. That is what is so great about the gospel. We don't have to do it all alone. Every Sunday when we take the sacrament we can start over again. That is why we were baptized. How thankful I am for that knowledge. And also for the small reminders that come to me in different ways.
I know that things will be hard for a while, but in the end, I have the Lord on my side and if I stay close to Him I can't fail. It will be rough and the road may be hard, but I will finish the race.
In a talk in church yesterday one of the speakers said something that I really like and it hit home with me:
"You don't have to be obedient to have faith. You have to have faith to be obedient"