DEAR JACK

The last time I saw Jack it was 1985. The last time I heard his voice it was sometime during the year 1987 or 1988. It was after he had returned from his mission. He was eloping to Utah, if I remember correctly, and he and his bride had broken down, and they needed a ride. I didn't want to get involved in the situation, plus I was shocked by the phone call. I was working and really not able to help, so I apologized wishe them well....and that was that.

Jack and I met in 1983 (if my memory is correct). We had a few mutual friends in common. He was a recent convert to the church and was having some rather serious family struggles, and life struggles as well. We were a group of misfits. Sad, but true. I think we were all trying to find out way in the world and discover who we really were.

My parents weren't overly fond of Jack, or any other of my friends during that time period. I really wasn't a good kid around that time. I try to tell people that actually I was a terrible daughter and person. I did a lot of things that I am not proud of. I have repented of those mistakes, and have actually tried to put the scriptures in practice when they say, "remember no more", because I have blocked out and tried to forget so many things, and I must admit that I have done a good job!

We would go to the YSA dances and firesides. We would go to church on Sundays, etc, etc, etc...but the relationship with my family during that time period was going down hill, and fast....I ended of leaving to NYC to be a nanny...While in NYC Jack recieved his mission call...he was going to NYC! His girl friend wasn't to thrilled about it all...end up his mission was changed to another part of the states. I am a true believer that things happen for a reason. I don't know what the reason was, but I hope that Jack does.

When I returned to California my family moved to Utah a few months later. I never saw Jack again. Or his girl friend. Or a lot of those other friends for that matter. My life changed. I became a true believer of my faith and my life changed. I went on mission, met my husband, had children, lived in Europe and the states...and the rest is history.

Over the years I have wondered about Jack and that group of friends...what ever did happen to then? I am in touch with one or two from that group, but we have all gone our seperate ways...until a few days ago. Facebook is an amazing thing. Jack found me. He sent me a message and brought me up to speed on his life. Not what I thought it would be, however, I'm not surprised either.

Jack told me that he and his wife are divorced. I was sorry to hear that. They have 4 children. Divorce is awful...and hard...and sad....and difficult. Not because I have experienced it, but I have seen it from the outside looking in, and that is enough for me. Jack's ex wife lives in another country now with the kids and Jack is here in the USA. Jack completed his mission, went to BYU for his masters, and seems like he was happy....however, the part of his life that I wasn't prepared for was when Jack told me he was gay, and married. I was surprised...but not shocked. It was as if I had somehow already imagined that would be the outcome of his marriage to his wife.

I am not going to judge Jack for his lifestyle choices. Like I told him today as we spoke on the phone. I don't judge. We are all children of our Father in Heaven and need to act as such. And if we are Christians as we say we are, we need to act as such.

Jack is writing a book/blog and sharing his experiences of being a homosexual and joing the church, going on a mission, marriage, etc. Needless to say, it is and will be interesting. He found me to find out my feelings because there are parts of his journal where there are things about me. I asked him out of respect to change my name...which he will do, just like I am doing now...he really isn't Jack...

As we talked there were a few things that I realized and was thankful for. I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that God lives and He is my father. I know that the church is true. I have prayed and recieved my answer and I could never deny that. If you really have a true testimony and know of the divinty of Christ there is no way that you can deny it.

Jack says that he is now athiest. He doesn't believe in the church anymore. He says that the "mormons" will soon embrace homosexuality...something that I really don't think will ever happen. Gods plan is how it was laid out in the bible...father/mother and children. Husbands and wives sealed together for eternity. Family together forever.

I will never tell someone how to live their life or judge them for their choices. That is not how I roll....however, I will always stand up for what I beleive. But today I didn't do that...not the  way that I should have anyway. I think that I was to afraid to offend Jack. I didn't want his feelings towards "the mormon's" to become more negative than it already seemed. But I should have said more.

So I guess that is what I'm doing now. Jack, I'm sorry that I didn't say all that was on my mind today. But as my family and I were having our scripture reading this evening in 2 Nephi of the Book of Mormon there were a few verses that we read and I was reminded of you. So I'm going to share them here:

5 And men are instructed sufficiently that they ^aknow good from evil. And the ^blaw is given unto men. And by the law no flesh is ^cjustified; or, by the law men are ^dcut off. Yea, by the temporal law they were cut off; and also, by the spiritual law they perish from that which is good, and become miserable forever.

6 Wherefore, ^aredemption cometh in and through the ^bHoly ^cMessiah; for he is full of ^dgrace and truth.

13 And if ye shall say there is ^ano law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not ^bthere is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away.

14 And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and ^alearning; for there is a God, and he hath ^bcreated all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be ^cacted upon.

25 ^aAdam ^bfell that men might be; and men ^care, that they might have ^djoy.

26 And the ^aMessiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may ^bredeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are ^credeemed from the fall they have become ^dfree forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the ^elaw at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.

Jack, you told me today that you are athiest. My response is...to be an athiest you never really believed. I think it would be impossible to turn away from God if you really know of His love and mercy for each one of us.

I am sad for you. Not for your life choices, but for the choice you made to turn away from God and to block him out of your life. He loves you, and me, and all of his children equally and the same. His greatest desire is for each one of us to return to Him someday.

I have changed so much from the person that I was 28 years ago. I'm thankful to a Father in Heaven who sent his son, so that I can repent of my sins and have the chance to return to him some day. I know that after this life my family and I will be together again, if we live as we should. All blessings, temporal and spiritual are based on our faithfulness.

The church is true Jack. I know it is. I wish that you did too.