ALWAYS LEARNING

I have been humbled once again. I think that I know all the answers and that what I'm thinking and feeling are right. I have all the right answers because I'm the mother. Ummmm...wrong. In fact, super wrong.
I had a almost sleepless night. I know that I'm going to be tired today. I sometimes wish I could turn my brain off and not think so much and just have a few minutes of peace. A few minutes of my brain not trying to fix all the problems. But when you are a parent you always need to be alert and on your guard. Ready to answer the questions. Ready to help make the hurt go away. Ready to wipe a few tears, to give a hug, to give an encouraging word, advice.....most of all a hug, and to say, "I love you."
I forgot how hard jr high can be. Girl or Boy...it's tough. It is such a hard time in a child's life anyway. It is that awkward age where you are trying to find yourself and the type of person you are. You want to be popular and liked by everyone. You want to be the cheerleader or the sports star. The straight A student. The one that everyone knows....not because you're a geek, but because you are "cool". Oh how I am starting to really dislike the word "Cool". What does that really mean anyway? And who sets the standard for being cool.
Instead what I see is Satan tempting kids to do a lot of things that they shouldn't be doing. Things that aren't good or healthy for them. It starts with the music, the videos, the magazines, the clothes, etc, etc, etc....and just goes from there. Brian tells me of the things that he sees and hears at school. It is scary. I sometimes wonder, why do I send him there? I would much rather keep him home and protect him from all the garbage that is out there. But that isn't realistic. He has to go out in the world.  However...I can make sure that what he is learning inside the home are things that can help him and make him stronger when he walks out the front door.
As parents we are always learning. I have realized again that I'm not doing enough. I need to do more to protect my home and family from things of the world. Children learn by example. I don't think that the example that I have set and the one I'm setting now are good enough. I need to do more. How can I ask my sons to read their scriptures (personal scripture study) if they don't see me do it. How can I ask them to get on their knees and pray if I do it behind a closed door and they don't see me do it. Yes, we read and pray as a family....but what am I doing personally to set an example for them. How can I ask Brian to not spend so much time on FB if he sees me on it. How can I tell him that the music that he listens to might not be the best for him and then I let him listen to it while driving in the car with me.
We have tried to so hard to change over the past few years. Robert being on a mission has helped us in so many ways and brought us so many blessings...but now it is time to crack down on some of the smaller things that I do, or should I say, don't do.
I'm sure that it will be hard on all of us...but it will be worth it. If I want to encourage Brian to reach the next level...than I need to reach it too, and do it together with him...next to him...no...I need to lead him, by my words and actions. And a lot of prayer.
I love that boy...I love both my boys. And I want to be a better mother and parent for them. And a better wife to Giovanni.
At the entrance to BYU it says..."the glory of God is intelligence"...I guess we are always learning something new. And I have a great manual. The scriptures are my text book. That is what I need to be following when raising my children. It is time to get back to basics.
Don't read more into this post then what it is...just a realization that as a parent I need to do more. These next few years for Brian are going to be hard. The world isn't getting easier...and he needs to be prepared. I need to make sure that he has the tools he needs. I need to do more. I need to learn more so that I can help him. When we talk I realize that I am praying more and more for guidance to know what to say, and do. I need to learn and be prepared.
There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for my sons. And the first thing is for me to be prepared so that I can help them reach their full potential.