THANK YOU, WHERE EVER YOU ARE

Day #19: Today I am thankful for a 16 year old girl who loved me enough to put me up for adoption so I could have a better life. Thank you, where ever you are.

I was adopted when I was 3 weeks old. My parents got me through the state of California. They had adopted my brother, David, four years earlier though LDS Social Services. I remember being about 6-7 years old when my brother told me that I was adopted. I didn't understand what that meant. He told me it meant that mom and dad weren't my real parents. I was freaked out by that. I went home and asked my parents about it. I remember my father putting me on his lap and us having a talk about adoption, and how lucky and special I was because so many people loved me and wanted me to have a good home.

I have always been "proud" of being adopted. I felt special. But there came a time in my life, about the time I went on my mission (age 22) that I began to think about my biological mother. Did she ever think about me? Did she remember me on my birthday and holidays? Did she regret her choice to have me be adopted? What was she like now? Did her family know about me or was I secret that she kept to herself? So many questions, but no answers. Before my mission my mother actually gave me my adoption papers. She said it was part of who I was and that I should have them, "just in case"...what does that mean, "just in case"?

While you are in the MTC (missionary training center) you have the opportunity to go to the temple every week. It is a wonderful time to learn and reflect...on spiritual things. You can leave the world behind and think and ponder things that you may not normally do outside, in the real world.

On one particular occasion I had been thinking a lot about my biological mother and what would she think of me if she could have seen me then. Did she ever have the chance to hear about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Would she agree my choice to serve a mission, etc, etc, etc. The experience that I had that day in the temple was something that I will never forget and always cherish. It is something very private and personal that I have only shared with the dearest and closest of friends, and maybe not even all of them either. But when I left that temple that day I knew that it was all a part of God's plan. I was with the family that I was meant to be with, and that a young girl made a sacrifice because of her love for me and my mother. I knew that she does think about it, and remember me. It is something that I will always cherish.

So every year on November 19th I always remember to tell her "thank you, where ever you are". I am here and love my life because of a young 16 year old girls unselfish choice. As a mother I can now understand the pain and heartache that she must have experienced that day, and maybe on other occasion's after that as well. I have thought several times of trying to find her. But there is some fear and trepidation. I don't want to ruin her life by showing up. And I also have an image in my mind of the type of person that she is (because of that day in the temple) and I don't want to ruin that either.

I will always be thankful to her. I have my life because of her unselfish act.

Where ever you are...Thank you...today, and everyday. I do think of you and I look forward to the day when we can meet and I can hug you and tell you how much I appreciate you.