As I walked towards her grave site I felt the lump develop in my throat. I turned around and looked the other way for just a few moments. I took in the sight of so many flowers and families. People remembering those who had passed on before and honoring them.
I turned around and continued to walk a little closer.
For once, when I arrived there were already other flowers there. It made my heart skip a beat.
I was so glad to know that others remembered her too, and not just me.
I sat down my white and pink flowers and stood back to take the scene in.
I went back to car and got my phone so take a picture of the sight and to get my sunglasses.
Not because it was sunny...in fact, it was starting to sprinkle, but to hide my eyes. I could feel the tears coming.
I don't cry as much any more. It has been almost 7 years, and the pain is lighter. But there are those moments when I think of her calling Brian a "pill" and commenting on how tall and grown up Robert was becoming. Or when I think of all the phone calls...it least one a day, if not more.
She was my best friend. And I miss her. But I know that she is here with me.
I know that she is proud of my boys and the men they are becoming.
So....I stood there and let the tears roll down my cheeks for a few minutes....I told her I loved her, and turned and walked away because the hurt was just too much that day.
I love you Mom. I miss you! I think about you all the time. I can't wait until the day that I will see you again and I can hug you and tell you that I love you.
2 comments:
My mom has had Alzheimer for the last 15 years.
I know one day soon she too will be gone.
I do not know if and how I am ever going to bear the pain.
It is, I hear, possible to live thru the hurt of a parent passing ... I hope I can be as brave as you are!
Ah, we do need to get together. I want to hear your story.
Much love, m
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